Wow. It's been an melencholy start to the week. First, a former student of mine lost her life in a tragic accident with a school but early Monday morning. It was the perfect storm: dark, rainy. The bus just did not see her. I feel for her family but also the bus driver.
It's made me stop and contemplate: am I reflecting Christ to my students? I get so little time with them. I know I cannot outright proselytize, but am I living clear enough that Christ shines through? This young lady was Cambodian and Buddist. Did she know Christ? Here is where I must trust in the character of my God. He is just, yes. But He is also love - the very definition of love. I cannot dare to speculate beyond that truth.
Second, my dear Grandma Bertha's heart is giving out on her. She has lived as a widow for nearly 8 years. Not only lived, but thrived. She did not let the death of my Grandpa Bill send her to her grave. She morned, she grieved, and she celebrated his home going. She is at peace, knowing completely what lies before her. She knows that soon, she will get to see Grandpa again. And her parents and siblings who have gone before her. And most of all...her Savior and the Lover of her soul. While my entire family rejoices with her on this level, there is a gloominess underlying the inevitable. We will miss her. Her smile, her giggle, her quiet strength and unwavering faith. As it is, we vow to cherish each moment of borrowed time we have left. And we pray for a quick home going - no lingering pain or discomfort.
Loss has a way of making you stop and take stock. What is important? What is critical. And more importantly...what is eternal? The answer to all three: your relationships. People.
I don't care if I never travel the world, live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car, have the "right" clothes or accessories. I don't care if I'm never famous or important to anyone except the people I love dearly. I consider myself very fortunate, indeed. I have more than my fair share of family and friends. I have lots of aquaintances, too. There are very few relationships I have made in my life that have ended. And really only one that ended badly - because of the other persons choosing. I think that is wonderful. I hope I never forget that people are eternal. Things are not.
I know I am not perfect in my relationships - I often wish I had the tenacity of my friend James Brooks when it comes to keeping in touch with all of my friends. Alas, I often rely on electronic correspondence. I suppose that is better than nothing, but it's not as personal as I wish I could be. And one drawback to having friends all over the country...I can't be there in body when they need me. But God can. And we will always be connected through our Father.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Awesome devotion...
The Choice
by Max Lucado
He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.
All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.
"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."
All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.
An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "
"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.
"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."
The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion.
Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.
"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."
"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."
A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"
The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."
The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.
"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"
The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.
With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.
He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.
"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.
"I will."
"Is there no other way?"
"There is not."
"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"
"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."
He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.
Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.
Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.
Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless.
Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."
All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.
"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.
But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday
scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.
The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "
The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."
They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.
But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.
Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:
"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"
The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.
"It's eternal!" gasped another.
Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.
Now it's our choice.
From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado
by Max Lucado
He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.
All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.
"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."
All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.
An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "
"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.
"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."
The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion.
Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.
"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."
"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."
A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"
The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."
The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.
"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"
The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.
With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.
He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.
"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.
"I will."
"Is there no other way?"
"There is not."
"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"
"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."
He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.
Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.
Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.
Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless.
Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."
All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.
"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.
But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday
scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.
The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "
The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."
They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.
But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.
Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:
"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"
The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.
"It's eternal!" gasped another.
Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.
Now it's our choice.
From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado
Friday, March 19, 2010
WARNING: VENTING SESSION. PAST ICKINESS COMING BACK OUT FOR A MOMENT.
I was reading on MSN's homepage how Sandra Bullock's husband has cheated on her with a porn "star" (if that's what you want to call them). I read his press released apology. I'm not defending him in any way - it's disgusting and low. But at least he owned it. Not one single excuse for his bad behavior, not one shred of "I'm a victim" or trying to justify the behavior. He called it for what it was and said he was sorry - not just for getting caught, but for embarrassing his wife, children and for causing them pain.
3 years ago, my "christian, minister" husband admitted to several instances if infidelity including paid "professionals". Still to this day, I've yet to hear any ownership or labeling it for what it was. Instead, I hear excuses. I hear about how he was a victim of God, how he "fell out of love", how me and the boys should just be over it since it was three years ago. No apologies. No shame. Only scapegoating. No recognition of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment caused to me, his children. No admittance to the wrongness of the whole thing. He even told me at one point he was NOT sorry for betraying me. How nice is that?
Yeah, it still stings. I trusted him. I had more faith in his integrity. Turns out, I was believing in a fairy tale for he has no integrity.
When I hear of sinners who act better than those who would claim the name of Christ, it makes me so heart sick. I know I cannot expect him to ever make amends, and yes, I still work hard to walk in forgiveness towards him even without him even acknowledging being wrong. But for Pete's sake...Jesse James did it right immediately and my "christian" ex still hasn't after 3 years.
Guess that whole story just stirred some things up that I needed to vent about. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the crap pit God rescued me from to the wonderful place he has brought me now. He certainly has traded me Beauty for ashes. Hope for despair.
I also read a wonderful quote: No one falls in love by choice. It is by chance. No one fall out of love by chance. It is by choice.
I choose love. I choose Steve, Joe, and Ben. I choose my kids. I choose my family. I choose the many friends I have made throughout my life.
Most of all...I choose Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me. I love you. And I am in love with you.
I was reading on MSN's homepage how Sandra Bullock's husband has cheated on her with a porn "star" (if that's what you want to call them). I read his press released apology. I'm not defending him in any way - it's disgusting and low. But at least he owned it. Not one single excuse for his bad behavior, not one shred of "I'm a victim" or trying to justify the behavior. He called it for what it was and said he was sorry - not just for getting caught, but for embarrassing his wife, children and for causing them pain.
3 years ago, my "christian, minister" husband admitted to several instances if infidelity including paid "professionals". Still to this day, I've yet to hear any ownership or labeling it for what it was. Instead, I hear excuses. I hear about how he was a victim of God, how he "fell out of love", how me and the boys should just be over it since it was three years ago. No apologies. No shame. Only scapegoating. No recognition of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment caused to me, his children. No admittance to the wrongness of the whole thing. He even told me at one point he was NOT sorry for betraying me. How nice is that?
Yeah, it still stings. I trusted him. I had more faith in his integrity. Turns out, I was believing in a fairy tale for he has no integrity.
When I hear of sinners who act better than those who would claim the name of Christ, it makes me so heart sick. I know I cannot expect him to ever make amends, and yes, I still work hard to walk in forgiveness towards him even without him even acknowledging being wrong. But for Pete's sake...Jesse James did it right immediately and my "christian" ex still hasn't after 3 years.
Guess that whole story just stirred some things up that I needed to vent about. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the crap pit God rescued me from to the wonderful place he has brought me now. He certainly has traded me Beauty for ashes. Hope for despair.
I also read a wonderful quote: No one falls in love by choice. It is by chance. No one fall out of love by chance. It is by choice.
I choose love. I choose Steve, Joe, and Ben. I choose my kids. I choose my family. I choose the many friends I have made throughout my life.
Most of all...I choose Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me. I love you. And I am in love with you.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1213729155494&ref=mf
Check out this video posted by my high school choir director, Mr. Prior! I had the best senior year! Many of these peers were like family to me and I still stay in contact with several of them. I saw Mr. Prior on my birthday weekend and he even remembered the car I drove in high school! Anyway, this is me singing a solo at a concert in 1989. Hope you enjoy it.
Check out this video posted by my high school choir director, Mr. Prior! I had the best senior year! Many of these peers were like family to me and I still stay in contact with several of them. I saw Mr. Prior on my birthday weekend and he even remembered the car I drove in high school! Anyway, this is me singing a solo at a concert in 1989. Hope you enjoy it.
Monday, March 8, 2010
My Birthday
I had the most GLORIOUS birthday weekend I've had in a long time! Saturday morning began with a good workout, Ethan's basketball game, and my sweetheart surprising me with Starbucks! (Have I mentioned how much I looooooooooove Starbucks?) Then we went to see Joe Wegman play in the OMEA Honors Orchestra in the early afternoon. Later a bit of impromptu shoe shopping (impromptu because my children will wear their shoes until their toes are poking through before they will say anything - an unfortunate trait that cost me over $70 in the end because of limited selection and size in some stores...). Steve picked me up at 5:30 and took me to eat Indian food (YUUUUUUMMMMMMY) and THEN to Fairfield's Crystal Classic Show Choir Competition! OH WHAT FUN!!!! Brought back a lot of memories from my days as a Choralier. The choirs are bigger, the sets, costumes and props are much more elaborate, and now they have full, live bands and their own tech crews. Boy are they spoiled! LOL!
The best part of the whole weekend was just getting to spend a lot of time with my love. God has seen fit to bless me with someone so amazing as a partner. I am grateful and overwhelmed some days. I honestly never thought I'd be able to love again like I did the first time. It's so amazing and different to have someone love you equally in return...I cannot wait to be Steve's wife. :)
Heck, if Steve manages to make every year feel this special, then I'm going to have no trouble at all growing old... ;)
The best part of the whole weekend was just getting to spend a lot of time with my love. God has seen fit to bless me with someone so amazing as a partner. I am grateful and overwhelmed some days. I honestly never thought I'd be able to love again like I did the first time. It's so amazing and different to have someone love you equally in return...I cannot wait to be Steve's wife. :)
Heck, if Steve manages to make every year feel this special, then I'm going to have no trouble at all growing old... ;)
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