Saul and David

I have had a difficult time these last 9 months grasping the fact that my will alone was not enough to fix my family. To recognize that Rob’s removal from my life was actually a blessing rather than a curse – a move by God Himself to protect me and my children from the sin and curse of their father. My boys will grow to understand the concept of spiritual adoption – our being grafted into the vine of Israel through the sacrifice of Jesus. Our being chosen by our perfect Heavenly Father by the price paid by our Brother, Christ. A biological father is not nearly as important as a spiritual one. And now, God keeps comforting me with the story of Saul and David in my heart. Saul was God’s chosen for Israel. No doubt about it. But then Saul chose wrong. So God removed Him…not to punish Israel with second best. Once Saul chose disobedience, he was no longer God’s best for Israel. So God anointed David, who became His best, His champion. Even with his faults, God knew his heart was one that longed for God – and Saul’s had fallen away. Rob was my Saul. I now wait for my David. And I wait not with the eyes of a naïve, young girl, but with those of a hopeful, optimistic woman of God who is no longer looking for her prince charming, but for a partner and brother in Christ to share life and love with. I loved Rob purely, that I know. And I will love that purely again, for it is the only way to love. The pain is simply confirmation that I loved right. Israel loved Saul, but they loved David even more. Until then, “His grace is sufficient for me” and I have made my choice. Me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

God never promised us a life free from trouble, did He? The way I figure it, as long as I continue to seek the face of my savior, He will make something beautiful out of these ashes. This is refining fire. As long as I come out looking more like Jesus, then I say “behold the handmaiden of the Lord. May it be unto me according to your will.” And he will eventually send someone else into my life and my children’s life that will see and appreciate the beauty and strength He has bestowed upon us in His grace. I have never understood the “His strength is made perfect in my weakness” verse until now. Christ is beautiful. Simply put – and I am nothing, NOTHING apart from Him. I am experiencing more and more surrender…and it’s liberating to say the least.