Many of you are most likely aware that life has taken a very sudden, unexpected turn for me. My life partner, my soul mate and best friend, my lover and the father of my children, has chosen not only to betray me, but to continually betray with no signs of remorse, repentance, or reconciliation. So now, the Funderburk Follies will only be about the life and times of 3 of us - myself, Ethan, and Noah.
It's very difficult to not take it all personal, as I'm sure you probably realize. At first, it was about his sexual addiction. Now, really, it's all about his heart - especially towards God. Rob is not the same person he was and every day I see him, he is less and less like who I knew. I feel so many different things in the course of seconds - grief, anger, frustration, unbelief - all that and much more. This really is all about his choices. He is choosing to walk away from God, me, and the children. He is choosing to just throw us all away. His heart is so hard that he actually believes that he will just wake up one morning completely sick of his selfish, rebellious choices because he's just given in to them with no restraints. Of course, we know that lust begats lust until you are consumed. If he ever does find himself wanting to stop, he wont' be able to, or he will find there is so much damage done (financially, disease, illegitimate children, seared conscience, etc.) that there is absolutely no going back. He has not only robbed me of my companion, friend, and lover, but he's also robbed me of the memories I've had of him - he's completely different.
So those of you who are praying types - pray he will come to the end of himself...no matter what it takes.
1 comment:
I'm sorry… Though I can't say I know completely what you're going through (no one but God can honestly make such a claim) I can say that I feel your pain. Being betrayed by someone you have shared a soul tie with for as many years as you have, can evoke some of the worst feelings in the world. I've grown up in the church, so I know all of the clichéd lines of advice and comments of ambiguous eventual good fortune, but you deserve so much more than that. I don't know what to say other than I admire your faith and ability to keep it in such a trying time. I will be praying for you, seriously. I just hope that you are granted peace, no matter what form it eventually takes…
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