Rollercoasters

I'm so tired of the emotional rollercoaster I'm on. I'll be doing great and BAM he'll do or say something to plunge the knife in yet again and send me backwards. It's hard to describe exactly who he has become. Needless to say, one of the most painful parts is knowing how much time, effort, love and passion I poured into this man for 17 years....and he doesn't even seem to miss me.

It makes it very difficult to hold on to the understanding that it's not personal - because it FEELS personal. Especially when he can be so mean and flippant in his attitude and words.

I know I am no longer dealing with Rob. I am dealing with a spirit that has consumed him. And I, like a fool, have been fighting against flesh and blood with carnal weaponry - arguments, reason, anger, violence, tears and sorrow. I have to learn to turn him over to the Almighty...easier said than done when he won't stop coming around. I think he enjoys the torment on some sinister level. I am open to whatever I need to do to help myself to heal - including a move. I'm tired of playing his set up game - where he causes something then accuses me in my reaction or uses my reaction to justify his evil somehow (as if there is any justification to be found in what he is doing).

I am getting a hard lesson on what the Word means when it says to "pray for your enemies and those who SPITEFULLY use you"...I just never expected it to be talking about my husband and friend.