I know the source of my pain and my rollercoaster - I just don't know how to turn it off, you know? My problem is that I'm still viewing this hateful, cruel man as my husband and best friend and seeking validation of our relationship, our marriage, of my role as his friend and wife. Now I know full well he is NOT going to give it to me, nor could he even if he wanted to. But something in me fears that if he doesn't validate it, if he doesn't recognize it as true, then somehow that makes it invalidated and untrue. When, in reality, truth doesn't change and hasn't changed - Rob has. So therefore his opinion is moot. He has no credibility to validate anything. He has believed and continues to believe lies and deception, to the point that reality has become something else to him. Our history, my role, my importance, our relationship - he is not viewing any of it through the eyes of truth, therefore he has reframed it all and rewritten history. Just because someone doesn't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't happen or happened differently.
My husband and best friend is dead. This new person should mean nothing to me. How do I get there?
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