Priorities

Boy, I have to tell you I am in a place in my life that it is really hard to balance. I never planned on being a working mom with little kids...at least not working full time and having to develop all new curriculum. Ugh. This really stinks. I feel like a first year teacher having to put so much time into work. Its hard to find time for anything else. I don't like this.

It brings up a lot of my questions to God about the path I was on 3 years ago. I had put my career on hold and had embraced my domestic role as wife and mother. It was hard to walk away from a very successful career up to that point. I love teaching. I had finally come to a place that I was OK with setting it aside and WHAM - my husband leaves. So I am thrown, quite unexpectedly back into the work force as a single mother. I have struggled with that since day one - without the help of my family, I would not have made it. Now, I have a new husband, new home, new step sons and I'm still struggling.

After 16 years in education, I should not feel like this. I should have been able to find a groove, a balance. A way to keep work at work, be wife and mom at home and still have some time for just me and Jesus. As it is, I work, I come home and do homework, I try to fly in and help with a bit of housework but the majority of that is falling on Steve (bless him), and then I do more work and if I'm lucky...I'll get 6 hours of sleep.

I'm not sure how long one can feel as though they are treading water, but I'm sure I'm reaching the end of the limit. I just look at the overwhelming task before me and my brain completely freezes up...I honestly don't know how to change this. I have no more hours to give, and no less work to do. I'm quite frazzled in my spirit, body, and mind right now.

I would love to find someway to teach from home. Or perhaps some way to get ahead enough and start letting the kids do more grading. However, with the expectation of cramming more curriculum in less time, I just can't seem to find a place to take 20 minutes of class time to grade something. How I wish we would take a cue from the business world and give teachers the time they need to get better, plan together, research, and implement the best practices that are out there. I wish I didn't have to take time and money away from my family to get training, purchase resources for my class, to find better lessons and ways of doing things.

I know no one ever died and said "I wish I had spent more time at work"...but I honestly don't know how to not spend as much time. I'm not trying to climb a ladder...I'm just trying to keep from drowning. I fear less time would = being overtaken. I need help...