Holidays

As usual, the Holiday season seems to be more of a hectic rush than a peaceful rest. We are surviving, but it certainly is challenging. Funny...I thought it was hard being a single mother. It's harder, in some ways, to be a blended family of 6. The difference, however, is that there are many more experiences and more people to share them with. We've made some wonderful memories together so far in our first family Christmas.

Steve turned a year older and we got a snow day to celebrate it with him all day! Playing outside, getting caught up on homework, and having a family movie night (Mr. Bean's holiday) made it a pretty special day overall.

I had to crunch about 3 weeks worth of curriculum into a week. It's the most horrible way to teach, but I really had no choice. We were already a week behind because of OGT testing and then we were hit with 2 snow days...I was left to "teach to the test" and, unfortunately had to cut out labs in order to cover material (lecture...ugh). It's not fair to the kids, but we have so pigeonholed our education system that we are mass producing cookie cutter citizenry. There is no wiggle room for creativity. Oh sure, they tell us how we need to differentiate, slow down and reteach if necessary - but when? They still use final exams to assess our student's learning. Old, proven ineffective ways of assessment lead us to hang on to old, proven ineffective ways of instruction. It's a catch 22. How I'd love to teach in a truly innovative school.

We had a nice Christmas with many family celebrations. I think everyone got at least one thing they wanted. The kids got along pretty good during break. We had a little party for the new year...it was Ethan and Noah's first year to stay up. I got us some hats, noismaker, champagne poppers - it was fun! I also introduced them to the tradition of praying the old year out and the new year in. Can't get them on board for black-eyed peas and sauerkraut, though! LOL!

Season of Thanks

As I enter into November, I start to look back and look around at all I have to be thankful for. I've always been a grateful person...I know that neither God nor life owes me anything, but I feel so much more thankful and grateful this year than I have in a while. I have a job - and a good job at that. I have a home. A nice one. I have good and decent kids and step kids. I have a wonderful husband whom I love more deeply everyday and in whom I am learning that I really can trust. I have good friends all over the world with whom I stay in contact. I have the most supportive and fabulous family I could ever hope for (even though a great many of them are looney toons... hahahah... I'm sure that makes sense if you know me - it's all the same stock, you know!) I have a good church that preaches the Word of God and extends grace and love and has a fabulous kids ministry. My finances are starting to get back on their feet from the divorce. My heart has healed. All of these things are not to be mistaken as my own working - I could not have accomplished any of these things without the strength and guidance of Christ in me. It reminds me of the promises made to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 6:

" 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.

10 When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. "

There have been many times I have failed God, and many times I have outright disobeyed. But all in all, I knew His ways are perfect and I ran back to my Father's arms quickly. When I did not have the strength to do right on my own, I wrote His commandments on my heart, I impressed them to my children, I talked about them while sitting at home, while out and about, and I wrote them all over my house - doors, mirrors, walls, everywhere. Because I choose life and God's desires over my own, he has now blessed me with a life I did not build, a house filled with goods I did not provide, wells and vineyards that I have not dug nor planted. And I will be careful to not forget the Lord who has brought me out of the dark slavery of bitterness and hate. I will love Him with all my heart, soul, and strength.

I am thankful for a great many temporary things. But I am learning to be even more thankful for the eternal. I am more thankful for my God and my relationship with Him this year than ever before. I never cease to be amazed by Jehovah. What an awesome, mighty God I serve and what a privilege to be called His child.

Sweetest Day

If ever there was a blatant attempt from the card and flower industry to promote their products, this is it. Isn't Valentine's Day enough?

That said, I have the sweetest Sweetest there is - no cards were exchanged or flowers, just kisses and compliments. And I couldn't be happier. I am a blessed woman.

I love you, Steve!

Priorities

Boy, I have to tell you I am in a place in my life that it is really hard to balance. I never planned on being a working mom with little kids...at least not working full time and having to develop all new curriculum. Ugh. This really stinks. I feel like a first year teacher having to put so much time into work. Its hard to find time for anything else. I don't like this.

It brings up a lot of my questions to God about the path I was on 3 years ago. I had put my career on hold and had embraced my domestic role as wife and mother. It was hard to walk away from a very successful career up to that point. I love teaching. I had finally come to a place that I was OK with setting it aside and WHAM - my husband leaves. So I am thrown, quite unexpectedly back into the work force as a single mother. I have struggled with that since day one - without the help of my family, I would not have made it. Now, I have a new husband, new home, new step sons and I'm still struggling.

After 16 years in education, I should not feel like this. I should have been able to find a groove, a balance. A way to keep work at work, be wife and mom at home and still have some time for just me and Jesus. As it is, I work, I come home and do homework, I try to fly in and help with a bit of housework but the majority of that is falling on Steve (bless him), and then I do more work and if I'm lucky...I'll get 6 hours of sleep.

I'm not sure how long one can feel as though they are treading water, but I'm sure I'm reaching the end of the limit. I just look at the overwhelming task before me and my brain completely freezes up...I honestly don't know how to change this. I have no more hours to give, and no less work to do. I'm quite frazzled in my spirit, body, and mind right now.

I would love to find someway to teach from home. Or perhaps some way to get ahead enough and start letting the kids do more grading. However, with the expectation of cramming more curriculum in less time, I just can't seem to find a place to take 20 minutes of class time to grade something. How I wish we would take a cue from the business world and give teachers the time they need to get better, plan together, research, and implement the best practices that are out there. I wish I didn't have to take time and money away from my family to get training, purchase resources for my class, to find better lessons and ways of doing things.

I know no one ever died and said "I wish I had spent more time at work"...but I honestly don't know how to not spend as much time. I'm not trying to climb a ladder...I'm just trying to keep from drowning. I fear less time would = being overtaken. I need help...

God of our Hearts

Blending families is not an easy task. One must really be sold out on the belief that this is best, despite the resistance from others. There are bumps and detours. If our eyes were not on Christ and the future, it would be easy to get discouraged when any of the children put up their sandbags, dig their trench and say 'today is a good day to die'.

I do not think our situation has been rough in comparison to other stories I've heard, but be sure - it's not easy on the kids. Even though they know the other parent is gone and the situation cannot go back, they will always wish in the depths of their heart that it could. Even though my kids like Steve, he's not Rob. Even though Joe and Ben like me, I'm not their mom. And that's apart from the fact that now there are two more kids demanding attention or intruding on space and resources. Two more that none of them asked for.

I didn't know what to do except pray. One thing I did get out of my divorce experience was a deeper trust and reliance on Christ. I'm not about to let that go just because I'm remarried. When I hit an obstacle, I hit my knees much quicker now a days. Gone is that old self reliance that had me bound in my youth. My age and experience has given me the wisdom to know that I am unable without Him. That I am hopelessly needy and inept. So pray I did. And not with the King James piety that makes us sound more "spiritual". I prayed a simple, earnest prayer: 'Jesus, please turn our hearts towards you and each other. Give us a love for one another that can only come from you."

And He is. :) I've seen such growth in all the boys in the past 2 weeks. I'm sure we will see set backs from time to time, but I know who is Sovereign. I know He is creating something beautiful and I'm honored to be a part of it.

Beauty for Ashes. This seems to be a theme in my life. I don't like the ashes, but the beauty that comes from it can only be of Him. It's unmistakable, and oh, so glorious.

Max Lucado Devotion

Team Up
by Max Lucado

In 1976 tremors devastated the highland of Guatemala. Thousands of people were killed, and tens of thousands were left homeless. A philanthropist offered to sponsor a relief team from our college. This flyer was posted in our dormitory: "Needed: students willing to use their spring break to build cinder block homes in Quetzaltenango." I applied, was accepted, and began attending the orientation sessions.

There were twelve of us in all. Mostly ministry students. All of us, it seemed, loved to discuss theology. We were young enough in our faith to believe we knew all the answers. This made for lively discussions. We bantered about a covey of controversies. I can't remember the list. It likely included the usual suspects of charismatic gifts, end times, worship styles, and church strategy. By the time we reached Guatemala, we'd covered the controversies and revealed our true colors. I'd discerned the faithful from the infidels, the healthy from the heretics. I knew who was in and who was out.

But all of that was soon forgotten. The destruction from the earthquake dwarfed our differences. Entire villages had been leveled. Children were wandering through the rubble. Long lines of wounded people awaited medical attention. Our opinions seemed suddenly petty. The disaster demanded teamwork. The challenge created a team.

The task turned rivals into partners. I remember one fellow in particular. He and I had distinctly different opinions regarding the styles of worship music. I—the open minded, relevant thinker—favored contemporary, upbeat music. He—the stodgy, close-minded caveman—preferred hymns and hymnals. Yet when stacking bricks for houses, guess who worked shoulder to shoulder? As we did, we began to sing together. We sang old songs and new, slow and fast. Only later did the irony of it dawn on me. Our common concern gave us a common song.

What if the missing ingredient for changing the world is teamwork? "When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there" (Matt. 18:19-20 MSG).

This is an astounding promise. When believers agree, Jesus takes notice, shows up, and hears our prayers.

And when believers disagree? Can we return to my Guatemalan memory for a moment?

Suppose our group had clustered according to opinions. Divided according to doctrines. If we had made unanimity a prerequisite for partnership, can you imagine the consequences? We wouldn't have accomplished anything. When worker divide, it is the suffering who suffer most.

They've suffered enough, don't you think? The Jerusalem church found a way to work together. They found common ground in the death, burial, resurrection of Christ. Because they did, lives were changed.

And as you and I do, the same will happen.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV)

O Lord, whenever I address you as "ourFather," cause me to remember that I have been called to be part of a holy community. You did not call me to remain in isolation but placed me in the body of Christ, along with every other believer in Jesus throughout the world in every age. Please give me the grace to act on the truth that you created us to grow as a team, to work as a team, to worship as a team, and to weep and laugh and live as a team. Grant me the wisdom and the strength to partner with you and with my brothers and sisters in Christ to meet the needs you place before us. For Jesus' sake and in his name I pray, amen.

From Outlive Your Life: You Were Made to Make a Difference
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2010) Max Lucado

The Wegman boys

Ethan or uncle Philip??????

The Sand Ceremony

The blended sand

New brothers

Noah - looks like he's up to sumthin'...

blending the families...

The Kiss

Dancing

Handsome boys...

The Bride and Groom

The Rings

A sweet kiss from my prince...

Goodbyes

This week I had two goodbyes to deal with that have my heart rather heavy. First, I had to say goodbye to Lindsey Grandits, a beautiful sister that I met and worked with at Real Life Church in Roseville, MN. She won her 4 year battle with cancer and went home to be with our Savior last Wednesday. Her life and legacy will live on and her family is a testimony of that. Such wonderful, real people who are not afraid to grieve, but also show such amazing courage and strength as they rely on Jesus to walk the grief with them. Prayers continue for Bruce, her brave and loyal husband, the Volin family and the Grandits family. I wish I could be there to grieve with you. Alas, the miles may keep us apart physically, but my spirit and heart is with you all. I love and admire you all so deeply.

Not only do I grieve for her biological family, but her church family. I still miss the people of RLC dearly. In all my life, I never felt a part of something so completely as I did there. Those people embraced my family when we first came to RLC, and then stood by me and acted as my "Aaron"...keeping my arms up when I had no strength on my own through my divorce. They were the hands and feet of Christ for me and my boys. I've been away now for 2 years and still feel as though I am a member of Real Life Church. If I could have packed them all up with me and brought them to Ohio, I would have in a heartbeat. RLC was the single hardest thing for me to leave in MN. I'm sure the Grandits and the Volins are benefiting from that love and support now.

The second goodbye is actually harder and hit me in ways I did not expect. Lindsey may be gone here, but I will see her again. We rejoice in that hope we have in Christ. This week, a dear friend whom I've loved and admired deeply went through with a very bad and wrong decision and divorced her husband. It was not a biblical divorce and it reopens wounds of betrayal I felt with Rob - and she didn't divorce me. That has surprised me. That I could be affected so deeply by her choice. I weep for her husband who loved her with every fiber of his being, and her children who are very confused right now. I weep for her - the deception she has embraced and the woman I once knew as doing right above all else and so full of wisdom. Saddest part is that she justified her decision by saying that "divorce is not the unpardonable sin, so it's ok and will be better for everyone." She honestly still believes she is walking rightly.

I know God can forgive...but can God ever fully restore a person who willfully chooses outside His plan for their "happiness" to the glorious plan He had intended for them? I want ALL God has for me. I want to hear His sweet voice telling me I did well and was good and faithful to Him. I don't want to disappoint Him. He is much more important to me than any temporary situations, feelings, discomfort.

The legacy she is leaving her children...one of question. I know her eldest daughter is wrestling with her own faith. How can I love God and love my mother who openly has sinned at the same time? If I love God, do I have to reject my mom? If I love her, does that mean I am excusing what she did? I am reminded that the Word says it is better to have a millstone hung around your neck and be drowned than to cause a little one to stumble. She has the blood of three on her hands now.

I still love her. But I've lost a great deal of respect and honor I had towards her. I'm disappointed. She stood by me through my own divorce, so eloquently and wisely pointing out Rob's deception... then somehow, she herself swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. And the worst deception is when you don't believe you are deceived, but believe you have finally "found the truth". Only Christ can penetrate that lie. And my experience so far suggests that it is the lie that God turns the disobedient over to in His Word. Allowing them to be so convinced of their deception, that they no longer have the ability to seek truth. Will their souls be saved? I hope so. Or will they be some of those people who tell God "but we did all of these things in Your name, Lord!" and He tells them "sorry. You never really knew ME."

I now what legacy I want to leave...one that points ALL glory to Him. If my children come to know Christ as savior, and lead their families to Him, then I have been blessed, indeed.

I've reflected a lot lately on the 13 years I spent in MN. I think the main lesson I've learned is this: people are sorely disappointing. Do not put your faith in them. Do not lift them up too high or honor them too much or give them too much respect as leaders and authorities in your life. Be very selective. And always...keep your eyes on Christ first and foremost. For even those you think you know and you trust the most, can have their hearts darkened and fall away. Don't get me wrong...I'm not being pessimistic. I still have many dear friends and have many more good stories than bad ones. I just found out that I'm a little too willing to give trust and honor and elevate people and I need to be wiser about it. I've been burned by leadership, fellow ministers, friends, and even my spouse. And I never expected it out of any of them.

Lindsey is at home. The longer I am here, the less like home it feels. And I can't wait to dance with her and Jesus and leave this strange, painful place behind. Maranatha, Lord Jesus.

Redeemed

I was contacted recently by a former college friend who came across my blog on the alumni site. She reminded me that God can use ANYTHING - even a broken woman's words as she processes her pain. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me as I constructed my response to her and thought it fitting to share part of it as a post. Of course, any personal references between her and I have been removed to respect her privacy...

When I started writing about my divorce, I wrestled a lot with it - wasn't sure if it was a good thing for me to put all that emotional "vomit" out there. Many of my posts were edited severely after writing them because upon rereading them I realized they were just a personal attack on Rob. And a few probably still slipped in. But all along the way, I recieved encouragement from others, mainly women, who said that my willingness to be transparent even with the ugly stuff of my own heart, was helpful to them.

So many books we read on divorce and marital struggles are written after "victory" or after coming through the storm. Even now, I could not write of my pain and faith struggles in the same way now that I'm on the other side of it all. I wanted to be able to look back and remember and say "Indeed God was and IS faithful. Indeed He has restored me. Indeed I have been redeemed and He has worked it together for HIS good." I wanted something to reassure myself and anyone else reading it that questions, doubts, anger...it's all part of the process. I was in no mood to keep up some hyper-spiritual facade. This was REAL. And I wasn't going to be anything but. What good is hearing trite "christianisms" when you have deep pain in your soul? If God could not handle my rancor and ranting, then why was I following Him? Was I alone in my anger towards Him? Was I the only person who questioned His character, motives, love for me? I didn't believe so. I felt safe in my relationship with God, even encouraged by God to just be brave enough to let all my ugliness out there. To express the darkness in my heart so that someone else didn't feel so alone in theirs.

Sometimes I worry that our Pentecostal roots only allow us the triumph and not the struggle...so when we do struggle, REALLY struggle with BIG things, we feel like we have become faithless, backslidden. I think we miss out on an opportunity to know Christ as the Lover of our souls - as walking THROUGH the fire with us. Instead, we view the trial as something we must endure to reach Christ on the other side and prove ourselves worthy of Him. And that simply cannot be. The divorce was horrible. I was dedicated to my covenant with Rob (as much as I humanly could, of course - I'm not perfect). But I have come to know my savior in a more intimate way than would have ever been possible through this ordeal. I have personally experienced the verse "we will overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of our Testimony". My testimony included the doubt. The questions. The railing. If I has stopped there, it would have been wrong. But it would have been just as wrong to only testify of the victory in the end and not the bloody battle along the way. And I know that any victory I achieved was not won in my own flesh - for my testimony bears witness to my failures, my frailties and my utter inability to save myself. The credit belongs to the Lamb. I simply followed Him and when I could do nothing else, stood my ground and let Him fight for me.

I still believe with all my heart that God would have rather had Rob give his whole heart to Him and restore our family, but since Rob chose not to, God has not held me hostage to Rob's choice AND has blessed me with the mate and partner that I believe God intended for me to have all along. It was very hard for me to reconcile (and still is somedays) that I can be divorced and remarried yet still be in God's perfect will. But I've come to conclude that His perfect will for us has much more to do with our hearts and attitudes than our circumstances. I'm still in the same play - it's just been recast. I'm still going in the same direction...following the footsteps of my Maker. I just have new company on the journey.

While I will shout from the mountains that God has blessed me with Steve and my new marriage and I do not doubt that for one second, I want to be careful to not be misunderstood... I would encourage anyone to do everything humanly possible to avoid divorce. Counseling, prayer, whatever. Ultimately, all that we can control is ourselves - the other party has to make that choice as well. I found that it didn't matter that I was completely willing to forgive, reconcile, work at whatever needed to be done to save my relationship with Rob - Rob wasn't. That was hard to accept. But I knew I was blameless, at least. I can look in the faces of my children and say with confidence that their dad would still be my husband if he had wanted to. In spite of the offense of sexual impurity. So you do all you need to do in your heart. Even if you are the "victim" or the one offended. Obviously be safe. If you are experiencing a physical abuse, I do not believe God would have you stay in a dangerous situation. Seperation is a viable alternative. But don't let your heart grow hard towards God and therefore your spouse. Let not man put your union asunder - especially if that "man" is you. If it is to end, allow God to keep you blameless in its ending. That is not the popular view our world throws at us. Instead, the world says if we are not "happy", we deserve to do whatever we need to to become "happy". Happiness is an illusion. Contentment comes from the peace of knowing you choose God's ways over your own. If the problem is abuse, get to a safe place, protect yourself. Follow God's plan. Listen to His leading. I would not advise anyone to file for divorce or not file. I would certainly rather someone try seperation first and see if that changes anything so that they would know beyond any doubt that if it ends, there was no other alternative. That is only Lori speaking - personally, I would need that peace of knowing I did all I could to stay in my covenant. THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD ALLOW A SPOUSE TO CONTINUE HURTING YOU. God forbid. Being a faithful, committed wife/husband does not include the job description of punching bag. Love sometimes means confronting someone with their wrong and removing from them the PRIVELEGE of being with you until they do right. If they never choose right, then they never earn that privelege back.

Thanks to anyone who has let me know my story has helped in some way. That was and is my continual prayer to God - that somehow he uses the pain I endured and the shambles my life was in to His glory - for I know only He could redeem such a mess. It certainly is not the way I ever expected to be used by Him, but I can say with confidence along with Mary (Jesus' mother) "behold the handmaiden of the Lord. May it be unto me according to YOUR will." I am honored that he can use me in any fashion - even if my body is cast into the flames. That is not easy to say and I don't say it flippantly. I am certainly not a martyr - I have no desire for pain, suffering, discomfort. But I have experienced Him being with me through it and now I am getting the privelege to see Him use it to minister to others. My story continues to be written. To God be all the glory!

Fathomless...

I am witnessing more and more of professing Christians who twist truth and scripture to justify and "support" their sinful, selfish choices. It sickens my heart. While I know I need to make sure my own house is in order, I certainly don't want the "sticks in my eye" pointed out by the person with a "log" in their own. I heard it best stated once..."I don't want a fat preacher telling me not to smoke."

I cannot understand it. I see it more and more around the breakup of marriages. My own ex tried this tactic. It's as if the offender thinks anyone who tells them they are wrong is being unloving, ungracious, and somehow that means that God has approved of them and their decision - becuase he is giving them the grace to bless their "persecuters" (those who tell them they are in sin).

This must be what the Word means when we are told that people who willfully sin loose their ability to understand. They become fathomless. Their eyes and heart are darkened. They are given over to the choices they make. Really...how else would someone who has experienced the love and power and forgiveness of the Almighty God ever choose to willfully disobey him if their soul was not calloused in some way? I wonder if they become permanently damaged? If they are ever allowed to go back to the state they once were in? Maybe that is why they can do so little to think so highly of themselves...they have lowered their standard so much that even a mouse can reach it.

It's scary to watch. And it keeps me on my own knees. Search me, 'O God, and see if there is any wicked way within me. Know my heart. Reveal it to me and lead me in the everlasting way. Cleans me, God. For I am a wretch apart from you. Your Holiness and Your standard are beyond my ability to attain, therefore I need your grace and the blood of Christ to cleans me daily. May I never do anything to offend my maker or to break His heart. I want to be clean. Please may I NEVER understand why some people would choose to settle for living in a garbage can when we can, in Christ, go from glory to glory. And God, let me NEVER use your grace as an excuse to misbehave. God forbid. Let me NEVER excuse away your standard for my own happiness or comfort. God forbid. Let me NEVER choose myself over you or anyone else. God forbid.

Teach me the balance of how to show love and grace to brothers and sisters who have fallen, while not excusing them and being bold enough to point out their sin if they don't see it or if they have decided even though this is wrong, I'm still going to do it. This is love - to not ignore the sin, but also being willing to help them out of the pit. If all I do is preach, then that is not love. If all I do is say "you are ok in spite of what you are doing", then that is also not love. Love says "hey...did you know you are swimming in sewage? Here, let me help you out of there and show you where you can go to get a shower and clean clothes, etc." If the swimmer says "yeah, and I like it", well then, that doesn't mean I have to say "OK. That's fine. Guess that is OK for you. I support your decision. I'll never speak of it again. As a matter of fact, I won't even expect you to ever get out...you let me know if you need something and I'll go get it for you and bring it to you so you can enjoy your crap." I obviously can't make them get out, but I can, from time to time remind them of the dangers of gangrene and infections, and disease and remind them I know where they can get clean. Isn't that our obligation as Christians? Especially towards those who still claim to be part of the fellowship?

I struggle with Paul's teaching: first you confront them. If they don't listen, take a few brothers/sisters with you. If they still don't listen, take them before the body. If they still don't listen, cut them off. Are we, as the body of Christ, allowing open, festering wounds to continue in our congregations and spreading the infection? Where is church discipline in our age? Could this be why we see an outbreak of divorce and broken homes in our churches and this swapping of spouses? Could this be why we see our young women dressing immodestly? Could this be why we see gluttenous, wasteful, consumer driven congregations? Could this be why we see jealousies and covetuousness amongst us?

Your input is certainly welcome. I don't have the answers. All I know is that when the body of Christ looks so much like the world, how can we then claim to be a peculiar, set apart people? And I'm not calling for a move back to legalism, but we do need a move back to holiness, I think.

New Life...

Well, I have been away FAR too long. I am settling into my new home and my new role as wife to Steve Wegman and stepmother to Joe and Ben. I miss my boys who are currently in MN with their dad. I am so far behind on pictures and updates I know - but there is only so much of me to go around. (and I wish there were less of me...LOL!) I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that I'm still here and still plan to keep up the blog. So, I will be back! Meanwhile, Facebook seems to be a substitute for short and sweet.

I've been pondering a lot lately about my journey for the past 3 years. Wow. Honestly, I knew, deep down, that Christ would redeem my shattered life, but I could not envision it. I could not fathom how. I can say, with Job, I know in whom I have believed. I know my Redeemer lives. I know I am Christ's and He is mine.

I am a daughter of the King.

:)

Seasons Come and Go

Ah...the end of a school year marks a change in mindset for all teachers. We turn into students as many of us attend professional development. We turn into domestic goddesses, finally catching up on projects around the house, doing the spring cleaning that most of us put off for grading papers, and actually cooking instead of ordering out. We finally find time for leisure reading, hobbies, or just hanging with the kids at the park or the pool. Just when we've had our fill of all that, it's time to jump back into the excitement and exhaustion of another school year.

I love teaching, but the political, financial, and community atmosphere of the last 2 years has really lowered my morale. I keep asking myself...why do I do this? I could be making more money at an easier job that recognizes my talents, skills, and appreciates my contribution. I get tired of being vilified by the community who THINKS they know what I do for a living, or looked at as a commodity to trade according to the whims of others. I tire of being a pawn for political manipulation. I'm exhausted from trying to meet the never ending demand of "more for less!" - all employees have their efficiency plateau. Teachers, it seems, are not allowed to have one. If they reach one level of productivity, well, then everyone seems to think they should be able to take that one more step... everyone seems to continue to expect BMW's at Pontiac prices. Or worse, many in the community are under the ridiculous impression that we are mere babysitters who work part time and are therefore overcompensated. It wears on the spirit, the work ethic, the professionalism. So why do I do it? I love it. I am gifted at it. I believe it is a vital, important job. Is there something else I could do? Absolutely. And I'd be wealthier financially. But I would not be as fulfilled. I would not feel the mandated purpose I feel now. Being a teacher, to me, is as important as being a parent. It's why I get up every morning. It fills my life with a mission. And I enjoy my clientele believe it or not. I did not choose teaching because it was an easy way to make a buck. I can name FAR easier professions. Visualize with me for a moment...you are attending your son or daughters sporting game, or practice, or rehearsal, or performance. If there is anyone sitting in the stands or in the audience doing work...who is it? A teacher. Teachers are not only "on" from 7 to 3. We are "on" 24/7...often doing work, answering e-mails, planning, spending our "free time" and our money on things for our students. Sometimes even to the neglect of our own families (i.e. report card week, week before a big concert or play, etc.)

If people want schools to be run like businesses, they had better be prepared to pay for it. As it is now, if the one thing that makes or breaks a school, your teachers, are considered overpaid...just wait until you have to pay us private sector prices. Right now, we are quite a bargain.

Enough of my tirade. Another season about to end for me is my season of singleness. It has been an important season for me. I've learned much about myself, my kids, my friends, my family, the body of Christ, and my God. Most of it has been good. I have also learned much about my previous 18 year relationship. Those were hard lessons. Hard to accept that much of what I thought or believed was simply untrue. That one person could go from best friend to worst enemy practically overnight. That someone you trusted implicitly could become the person you trust the least. That someone who you thought had your back was actually stabbing a knife in it. Betrayal is a bitter pill. It still lingers, creeps back into my heart and head from time to time. Its ever ready to consume me if I am not diligently working towards forgiveness.

This summer will be a whole new season...professionally, spiritually, relationally. I will be learning a new husband, new children, new domestic routines, all the while helping the other 5 members learn me and each other. No one said it was going to be easy...

But, then, I've never been one to take the easy road. ;)

Bring it on! I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me...

Signs of Spring in Southwest Ohio:

1. rain
2. lilacs
3. bright green grass
4. warm/cold temp fluctuations
5. allergies
6. KINGS ISLAND!!!!!

been twice already - opening day and this last Saturday. I'm so glad my kids are roller coaster junkies.

By the way - I am down to about 40 days until my wedding. And I basically have all the big stuff done! Yeah, me!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Ah, my "last" show at Lakota East for a while. It's a big hit! The students have done very well, no major glitches, and the audience has responded favorably for all three shows we've done so far. I've decided not to take the supplemental contract next year - if it's even offered. Lakota is faced with a budget crisis and I am getting married and will instantly become a family of 6 and the stepmother of teenagers (eek!), so I'm circling the wagons so I can concentrate on what is most important. I hope to volunteer my services some, but this way I won't be required to put in the many hours of work that it takes to design, set, and execute the sound and lights. As my kids get older, I certainly hope to start getting back involved in community theater for myself. There is nothing quite like the stage. I miss it when I'm not doing it, then miss all my free time when I am! LOL!

Spring Candids...

Spring has sprung...

Marsh Lake, Fairfield

I just couldn't resist getting a few dusk pictures.
Hamilton COG Easter Egg hunt

Good Quote

I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun: not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else- C.S.Lewis

I have always like Mr. Lewis - Lori

Loss

Wow. It's been an melencholy start to the week. First, a former student of mine lost her life in a tragic accident with a school but early Monday morning. It was the perfect storm: dark, rainy. The bus just did not see her. I feel for her family but also the bus driver.

It's made me stop and contemplate: am I reflecting Christ to my students? I get so little time with them. I know I cannot outright proselytize, but am I living clear enough that Christ shines through? This young lady was Cambodian and Buddist. Did she know Christ? Here is where I must trust in the character of my God. He is just, yes. But He is also love - the very definition of love. I cannot dare to speculate beyond that truth.

Second, my dear Grandma Bertha's heart is giving out on her. She has lived as a widow for nearly 8 years. Not only lived, but thrived. She did not let the death of my Grandpa Bill send her to her grave. She morned, she grieved, and she celebrated his home going. She is at peace, knowing completely what lies before her. She knows that soon, she will get to see Grandpa again. And her parents and siblings who have gone before her. And most of all...her Savior and the Lover of her soul. While my entire family rejoices with her on this level, there is a gloominess underlying the inevitable. We will miss her. Her smile, her giggle, her quiet strength and unwavering faith. As it is, we vow to cherish each moment of borrowed time we have left. And we pray for a quick home going - no lingering pain or discomfort.

Loss has a way of making you stop and take stock. What is important? What is critical. And more importantly...what is eternal? The answer to all three: your relationships. People.

I don't care if I never travel the world, live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car, have the "right" clothes or accessories. I don't care if I'm never famous or important to anyone except the people I love dearly. I consider myself very fortunate, indeed. I have more than my fair share of family and friends. I have lots of aquaintances, too. There are very few relationships I have made in my life that have ended. And really only one that ended badly - because of the other persons choosing. I think that is wonderful. I hope I never forget that people are eternal. Things are not.


I know I am not perfect in my relationships - I often wish I had the tenacity of my friend James Brooks when it comes to keeping in touch with all of my friends. Alas, I often rely on electronic correspondence. I suppose that is better than nothing, but it's not as personal as I wish I could be. And one drawback to having friends all over the country...I can't be there in body when they need me. But God can. And we will always be connected through our Father.

Awesome devotion...

The Choice
by Max Lucado

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.

All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.

"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."

All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."

Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "

"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."

Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.

"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."

The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion.
Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.

"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."

"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."

A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"

The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."

The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.

"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.

"Yes."

"They will forget you?"

"Yes."

"They will reject you?"

"Yes."

"They will never come back?"

"Some will. Most won't."

"What will it take to make them listen?"

The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.

With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.

He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.

"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.

"I will."

"Is there no other way?"

"There is not."

"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"

"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."

He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.

Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless.
Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.

"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.

But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday
scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.

The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "

The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."

They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:

"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"

The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.

"It's eternal!" gasped another.

Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.

Now it's our choice.

From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado

WARNING: VENTING SESSION. PAST ICKINESS COMING BACK OUT FOR A MOMENT.

I was reading on MSN's homepage how Sandra Bullock's husband has cheated on her with a porn "star" (if that's what you want to call them). I read his press released apology. I'm not defending him in any way - it's disgusting and low. But at least he owned it. Not one single excuse for his bad behavior, not one shred of "I'm a victim" or trying to justify the behavior. He called it for what it was and said he was sorry - not just for getting caught, but for embarrassing his wife, children and for causing them pain.

3 years ago, my "christian, minister" husband admitted to several instances if infidelity including paid "professionals". Still to this day, I've yet to hear any ownership or labeling it for what it was. Instead, I hear excuses. I hear about how he was a victim of God, how he "fell out of love", how me and the boys should just be over it since it was three years ago. No apologies. No shame. Only scapegoating. No recognition of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment caused to me, his children. No admittance to the wrongness of the whole thing. He even told me at one point he was NOT sorry for betraying me. How nice is that?

Yeah, it still stings. I trusted him. I had more faith in his integrity. Turns out, I was believing in a fairy tale for he has no integrity.

When I hear of sinners who act better than those who would claim the name of Christ, it makes me so heart sick. I know I cannot expect him to ever make amends, and yes, I still work hard to walk in forgiveness towards him even without him even acknowledging being wrong. But for Pete's sake...Jesse James did it right immediately and my "christian" ex still hasn't after 3 years.

Guess that whole story just stirred some things up that I needed to vent about. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the crap pit God rescued me from to the wonderful place he has brought me now. He certainly has traded me Beauty for ashes. Hope for despair.

I also read a wonderful quote: No one falls in love by choice. It is by chance. No one fall out of love by chance. It is by choice.

I choose love. I choose Steve, Joe, and Ben. I choose my kids. I choose my family. I choose the many friends I have made throughout my life.

Most of all...I choose Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me. I love you. And I am in love with you.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1213729155494&ref=mf


Check out this video posted by my high school choir director, Mr. Prior! I had the best senior year! Many of these peers were like family to me and I still stay in contact with several of them. I saw Mr. Prior on my birthday weekend and he even remembered the car I drove in high school! Anyway, this is me singing a solo at a concert in 1989. Hope you enjoy it.

My Birthday

I had the most GLORIOUS birthday weekend I've had in a long time! Saturday morning began with a good workout, Ethan's basketball game, and my sweetheart surprising me with Starbucks! (Have I mentioned how much I looooooooooove Starbucks?) Then we went to see Joe Wegman play in the OMEA Honors Orchestra in the early afternoon. Later a bit of impromptu shoe shopping (impromptu because my children will wear their shoes until their toes are poking through before they will say anything - an unfortunate trait that cost me over $70 in the end because of limited selection and size in some stores...). Steve picked me up at 5:30 and took me to eat Indian food (YUUUUUUMMMMMMY) and THEN to Fairfield's Crystal Classic Show Choir Competition! OH WHAT FUN!!!! Brought back a lot of memories from my days as a Choralier. The choirs are bigger, the sets, costumes and props are much more elaborate, and now they have full, live bands and their own tech crews. Boy are they spoiled! LOL!

The best part of the whole weekend was just getting to spend a lot of time with my love. God has seen fit to bless me with someone so amazing as a partner. I am grateful and overwhelmed some days. I honestly never thought I'd be able to love again like I did the first time. It's so amazing and different to have someone love you equally in return...I cannot wait to be Steve's wife. :)

Heck, if Steve manages to make every year feel this special, then I'm going to have no trouble at all growing old... ;)

A question for the audience

If any of you have been remarried with children or been a part of an effort to blend a yours and mine situation, I would like some insight and wisdom on relationship dynamics. How to counteract the competition factor. How to see the new family as a complete family and not two autonomous entities living under the same roof. How to date and nurture the husband/wife relationship when children are a part of the equation.

I'm stuggling with the becoming one aspect of all of this. How do you do it with children? Should we remain autonomous? Can a blended family follow the same biblical model as a natural made one - where the marriage relationship is first and priority or should the children be first?

Any thoughts from those who have been there?

Wise as Serpents...Harmless as Doves

I am learning that although I want to be honest and deal with all people rightly, that not everyone appreciates or rewards that. In fact, there are many who lie in wait to exploit it.

Alas, I don't like this lesson. However, it may have saved me from a fatal financial error this week. We shall see.

I do have to thank God above for two angels he has watching over me: my mom and my fiance. Sometimes we entertain angels AWARE. When we are too emotional to hear the Spirit's voice, He uses others who can cut through the clamor - if we are smart enough to stop and listen. I'm not a genius...but I'm at least THAT smart. :)

So, with their help, I enjoyed a moment where I was wise as a serpent. I was assertive, yet respectful and harmless as a dove. As granny always said..."you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!"

mmmmmmm....honey...... ;)

Fruit Inspection and Grace

There have been two people in my life of late who has caused me to really reflect on some theological questions. Interested in feedback or thoughts.

The grace of Christ is free, but is it cheap? In other words, can/does Christ offer forgiveness to those who willfully sin with an attitude of "I can't help it so I'm not going to try" or an attitude of "I will enjoy my sin until it runs it's course then I'll ask forgiveness and all will be well"?

Does someone who sins and harms others while doing it get the privilege of their slate being wiped clean if they do repent? Are they still not responsible for the consequences of their actions? Are they still not accountable to those they wronged?

In Matthew, Christ instructs us that making things right with our brothers and sisters is a precursor to offering praise. So, if someone claims to be a Christian now, or be attending church, but have made NO efforts to seek forgiveness for sins committed towards another, and continues to live in such a way to harm another with no efforts to change or make that right, then are they truly a Christian? The Bible does tell us to be careful how we judge, for we cannot know the heart of others...but it also clearly outlines the type of fruit you should see in the life and attitudes of one who has come under the Lordship of Christ.

It seems to me that many "church people" find it all too easy to use Jesus as an anesthesiologist instead of a surgeon. They don't want Him to get in there and dig around and remove parts of them or cause them to die to themselves. They just want to be comfortably numb. They use him as a way to avoid responsibility and accountability. And instead of seeing their actions and thoughts in the light of God's holiness and realizing their need to change, they'd rather view them under the rose colored glasses of grace and use it as an excuse NOT to change (God loves me just like I am) .

Where is the balance? God is Love. Yes. God is merciful. yes. But God is Holy, holy, holy. I don't want to go back to legalism, but the permissiveness that seems to be pervasive in the church makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, grace is free to get. But doesn't it cost us something to keep? Doesn't Paul outline that to us in his instructions:BE YE TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind...? Doesn't' that seem to indicate that we have some responsibility in the relationship? Not that we can save ourselves or ever be good enough. Not to go so far as salvation by works. But I cannot bring myself to accepting the theology of "greasy grace", either.

Paradox always gets me. On one hand, grace is not grace if it is stipulated. On the other, Christ is a rock of offense and clearly expects more of us. The closest thing in this life to explain this is the parent/child relationship. I love my kids. I can be angry with them. Dissapointed in them. Downright mad at them. I can expect more, discipline, correct and punish. But I still love them. And I will still extend forgiveness and grace to them. But I will hold them accountable. I'm dealing with this in Ethan right now. He seems to always be "accidently" hurting his brother. He will do something, say he's sorry and ask forgiveness, then get angry at Noah if Noah is not willing to just forgive and forget about it. But where is Ethan's heart? Is he truly sorry? My guess is no - for he is right back doing the very same thing within hours...sometimes minutes and right back to expecting no consequences if 1) he claims it was an accident and 2) he apologizes and asks for forgiveness.

I believe I am in covenant with Christ. I know I have done things to bring Him shame or disappointment. I know I have hurt others (though I will say I do not usually do it intentionally - the exception to that is my divorce. I know there were times I was intentionally trying to hurt my ex). I am grateful for the free grace of Christ extended to me. But I am also keenly aware of my responsibility to that grace. I honor the gift, not taking it for granted. I am careful not to abuse it, not becuase I think God will zap me if I do, but becuase I am in relationship and I want to represent Him well. I don't want to stand before Him one day only to hear Him say "now who are you? I don't know you..."

I am not God and therefore am not the source of unlimited, unconditional grace and love. But I can say this: seems to me a very dangerous thing to think all sin or bad decisions in your life is negated by a flippant "please forgive me, God" or regular attendance at a church. As our Heavenly Father, seems to me that God would not be showing us love, nor justice (of which He is the perfect balance between) by letting us live like the devil and claim His grace. Seems to me Jesus should not be used as a personal endorsement to justify our selfish lives and choices. If I let my children do whatever they wanted or treat people however they wanted and never held them accountable or let them experience the consequences, then how much do I love them, really?

Christ tells us to come to Him as we are and let HIM clean us up. Not come as you are...you are just fine. We wouldn't need to come if we were not in need of some sort of fixing. You don't need a savior if there is nothing to save you from.

I welcome thoughts, comments, considerations....

On Valentine's Day

I'm really looking forward to making some new Valentine's memories.  

In the past, my ex seemed to always choose some sort of special occasion to drop a betrayal bomb on me.  My birthday, our anniversary, ....but Valentine's Day seemed to be his choice more than once.  It's left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.  I know as well as you do that V Day was created by the greeting card cartel, really.  Personally, I prefer $4 Kroger boquets several times a year for no reason to a $50 rose boquet on Valentine's...but it is nice to know your special someone takes a moment to reflect on what you mean to him and how grateful he is to have you in his life.  And, vice versa. 

I am so thankful God sent me Steve.  I spent some time reading some of our early e-mails to one another.  It made me smile to recall all those first meeting butterflies and the anticipation of a new romance.  And reminded me to not let that go too easily.  I want to feel that and stir that in him 20 years from now.    I am grateful for the things we have in common and for our differences.  So I am taking this Valentine's day to reflect upon that - to make sure I'm not taking it for granted.  To celebrate it.  And to replace the old memories surrounding this holiday with new ones more appropriate to the day.  After all, God said in His Word that out of Faith, Hope, and Love, the greatest of the three was Love.  I know He wasn't saying Eros, but Christ embodied love perfectly.  I believe He embodied them all - Eros, Phileo, and Agape. 

And that is what I will strive for this Valentine's day.  To embody love to Steve, his boys, my boys, my friends and family.  To reflect my Savior to the world.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!  For believers:  may you be His hands and feet of love to the lost.  And may you know His love for you.  His unfathomable love.

General updates

I took a break from wedding planning.  It's not easy to find summery, garden stuff in the middle of January in Ohio - LOL!  I figured I'd wait until spring styles and decor starts coming out in a month or two to start again.

School is doing OK.  Got my second wind for the next semester.  I had the kids evaluate me so I have some goals to work on for myself plus we are getting in to my very favorite part of Biology - genetics.  Read a really interesting article on a new area of research called epigenetics thanks to an old friend of mine from FHS named Heather (who is a doctor, by the way).  It's about this research to find correlations between nurture and nature- and they seem to be finding more of a relationship than previously thought and more than Darwin allowed for.  Hmmmm...

We are also performing "School House Rock Live" at the high school.  What a fun little show!  Brings back many fond Saturday morning memories for me.  :)  Anyone in our area, come see the show this weekend.  Tix are only $5.  You'll find info on the Lakota East High School website.  It's a perfect show for kids of all ages!

Steve and I attended the Lakota East Jazz Band Swing Dance last weekend.  WHAT FUN!!!!  I want to learn how to do that more.  It's nice to be with someone who is willing to try new things with me - even if he doesn't think he's good at them.  We had a fun time and the bands were really very good!

Got news from Ethan's teacher today - he is doing very well.  Still need to work on his handwriting and he still gets easily distracted, but overall tremendous improvement.  And he is reading like gang busters!  I'm noticing maturity in him, too.  He's becoming an amazing young man.

Noah is as funny as ever.  His imagination is just too much!  I came home yesterday and he's created a "stage" area and playing rock star.  In his underware.  hahahahahaha!  HILARIOUS!

My ex is being as frustrating as ever.  He's not doing right by the kids or by me with the finances.  Very sporadic and inconsistent with his contact with the boys.  Please pray.  For his salvation and for God to move him in whatever direction is best for me and Ethan and Noah.

We will be entering "birthday season" soon.  Just about the time I get Christmas paid for!  HAHAHAHA!  Oh, well...

Honeymoon plans...

are confirmed and reservations made.  And that's all I have to say about that!  ;)  My sweetie did REALLY WELL!  It's going to be wonderfully relaxing and romantic!  (giggle)

wedding plans...

OK, now that the holidays are done (check) and the quarter is coming to a close with finals this week (check), I'm actually getting excited about planning my wedding!  Who knew?  Since we are doing this in June, and it's a second, it will be a casual, garden-themed party with family.  We are planning a very lovely, meaningful service that involves all the kids, having a picnic style reception and dancing, dancing, dancing! 

One thing that clinched the garden theme was my Monarchs.  I have raised them since 1999 in MN.  I miss them here in Ohio - oh we get a few towards the last third of the summer, but nothing like in MN.  Those insects have been a source of pleasure and inspiration for me for years.  They have made their way into my curriculum, into my decor, into my extra curricular activities, into my sermons, into my wardrobe, and into my life and heart.  Oh, the lessons I have gleaned from these marvelous creatures.  And I've decided to release some symbolically at my wedding. 

They are a symbol of tenacity.  Beating the odds, ahead of the fray.  Of renewal - renewal of spirit, body, mind, and hope.  A symbol of beauty and grace.  Delicate yet strong.  Attractive yet poisonous.  I'm such a sucker for paradox!  ;)  Even the contrast of their orange wings against the backdrop of a clear blue sky - opposing colors - draws me.

We are also going to opt for a sand ceremony rather than a candle.  I think it lends itself to a blended family better and can include the children more.

I will keep all of you posted on how the plans go complete with pics as appropriate and available.  I wish I could throw a shin dig and have all of you who have played such an instrumental part in my life here with me.  From  Fairfield High School, to Lee University, to Minnesota - so many friends who are dear to me.  I know you will be with me in spirit on June 12th, 2010 at 4:30PM!  And I will be reflecting on how I am who I am partly because each of you planted a little bit of yourselves in my life somewhere along the line.  Thank you.  I love you all!

Clifton Mill

If you like lights, this is a place to visit!!!!

HAPPY 2010!

Fancy dinner at the White House Inn, quality time with my sweetie, a kiss at midnight...ah. New hope, new life, new year.
Song of Solomon 2:10-16 "My darling, my beautiful one, come along. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth...arise, my love, and come away...My beloved is mine and I am His."

Isaiah 54:4-8 "Do not be afraid: you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His name (El-Shaddai) - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - 'a wife who married young, only to be rejected', says your God..."