Be the Eagle

This is the theme from Ethan's school this year. He has told me "mommy, did you know
Eagles can fly above a rain storm?" and "Eagles can see really good".

My pastor did a sermon series a couple of months back called "Wings". He spoke of us hiding under God's wings, riding on top of God's wings, extending our own wings to soar and to protect others.

Yesterday, I was praying and feeling very blue, missing the Rob I knew and feeling rather anxious at the legal fight ahead of me. I THOUGHT I kept hearing God bring me back to 2 things I THINK He's been telling me (I'm hesitant to credit God because over the last 8 months there have been many times when what I thought was the voice of God seems to have turned out to be my own voice, or possibly even the enemy preying on my emotions...I hope I'm not the only one out there who has some trouble telling the difference sometimes. Guess I'm not always a very good sheep, huh?) The two things: 1)WAIT, Lori...you have done all you can now stand still and know that I am God and 2)soar above this with me...get your eyes on me and not Rob or the circumstance.

Have I been listening? Apparently not very well because yesterday I'm driving home and what do I see swooping in and out of traffic on Snelling Ave. in the middle of commercial property no where near a river? A large, adult, bald eagle. I've been here 12 years and have never seen that. And it flew off once my car passed. I still almost missed it until this verse popped in my head "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles...". Once the fact that the Omnipotent Creator of all the Universe took a moment to send me an eagle to remind me of His presence, I wept all the way home.

So the more I allow the Lord to heal my heart here, and the more freedom I find as I let go of my wrong judgments and really learn to trust the Lord completely, the more my spirit is open to seeing and hearing what He is saying and has apparently been saying since the beginning of this mess: rest in me, Lori. Stop trying to control the situation. Let ME be your strength. Let me be your defender. Vengence is mine, not yours. Your job is simply to abide in me and allow me to abide in you. Your job is to LET ME. Let me heal you. Let me transform you. Let me fix what is wrong in you - and release the rest. You can't fix it anyway.

And he's been showing me, speaking to me through so many channels, but I've not been tuned in to hear them. Oh, I've been able to recognize the biggies: $5000 of free car repairs, abundant blessings for Christmas from numerous sources for myself and my boys, a job making $8000 more than I had even dared hope for. But I was missing those whispers of "I'm still here. You are carved into my hand. I'm still in control of YOU and your children because you are in covenant with me...and I'm certainly able to influence secular minds and systems to ensure MY will is done for those who belong to me." Those whispers through my son relaying his school theme. The whispers through a sermon series. And now even sending an eagle...just for me. Coincidence? I think not.

It makes me hunger and thirst for more. It makes me desperate to know Him more intimately than ever. It makes the world fade away and become less important or scary. If the Lord is my stronghold and my salvation...whom shall I fear? What can man do to me?

Every day I am learning a bit more to agree with the writer of that hymn...yes, tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...Oh, for grace to trust Him more. I'm learning to be content and at peace - to know that I may be pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed. And though I may get rattled at first, I'm finding it easier to take a deep breath, hit my knees and cast it upon Him.

I shall not be moved.