That a former lover can become an enemy? That someone who pledged life and love to you, promised to look out for your best interest, to have your back, could turn into a saboteur? That a former minister who preached and lived mercy to others could, in turn, become so merciless to his own family?
My financial situation may be taking a turn for the worse due to Rob's negligence with our house in MN, and the fact that the retirement monies I was awarded are gone. I desire your prayers. I'm quite angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, vengeful...you name it....I seem to be feeling it.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Things that make me enjoy teaching
I have to write a book one day of all the funny, insane, unbelievable things adolescents do and say in school...but I'm afraid parents would never want to send their kids back! (LOL)
Today, a 9th grader, 15 years old, got her hand STUCK in the opening of the chair. No one, not even she, is completely sure how she did it. We greased her up with lotion and wiggled it out. Both hand and owner are ok.
But I almost wet myself. Now I know you are not supposed to laugh at your students, but c'mon! How can you NOT laugh at the absurdity!
Especially when I'm mostly NOT laughing of late at how lazy they are all getting. This time of year is terrible in academia. In far enough to be tired of it all, not close enough to the end to really care yet. All that equals an apathy the size of a small planet, an increase in cheating, a laxing of behavior, attitude, personal responsibility/pride/high standards. Coupled with an increase in hormones. My approach to the PDA - embarrass them as much as I can. Sigh, it get's tougher to do that every year.
Today, a 9th grader, 15 years old, got her hand STUCK in the opening of the chair. No one, not even she, is completely sure how she did it. We greased her up with lotion and wiggled it out. Both hand and owner are ok.
But I almost wet myself. Now I know you are not supposed to laugh at your students, but c'mon! How can you NOT laugh at the absurdity!
Especially when I'm mostly NOT laughing of late at how lazy they are all getting. This time of year is terrible in academia. In far enough to be tired of it all, not close enough to the end to really care yet. All that equals an apathy the size of a small planet, an increase in cheating, a laxing of behavior, attitude, personal responsibility/pride/high standards. Coupled with an increase in hormones. My approach to the PDA - embarrass them as much as I can. Sigh, it get's tougher to do that every year.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Something I've been pondering...
The subtlety of sin. As a child, you like to believe the world is a black and white place. The boundaries are clear. There are good guys, and bad guys. There is right and there is wrong and you will know it when you see it.
But why, then, would people ever choose wrong? Why would people choose things that will hurt them, or others, on purpose?
Even in my life I'm learning that sin is very subtle and gradual. Some days I'll find myself somewhere I never intended to be - in attitude, in my thoughts, or even physically in a place I have no business being - and wonder "how did I get here?" I can trace back the path through a series of small compromises here and there. Ever so "innocent" decisions made one small step at a time until I find myself one giant leap off the path I should be on. Oswald Chambers said this: “...the penalty of sin is that gradually you get used to it and do not know it is sin.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, 3/16. That pretty much sums it up.
The Word says the penalty of sin is death. Most of us think of death as a sudden onset. One minute we are alive, then tragically we are not. This is not the kind of death that sin leads to. This is the terminal illness sort of death. The slow fade. This is spiritual hospice - you enter in to die. Not for treatment, not for healing, just to be comfortable until the inevitable happens.
I no longer expect to feel some sudden, deep conviction for my sin. I am past that point. That kind of conviction is not for those who have been in an intimate relationship with their savior for years. The longer you are a soldier, the more cunning your enemy has to become to get you. You know how to look for land mines. You can spot sabotage and ambush from miles away. He has to resort to espionage. No, I must be ever so diligent to pay close attention to the details of my heart.
A new gardener may just look at their soil, say "ah, that's nice and black. Must be fertile" and get to planting. Someone who's been around a garden for a while may realize that color is not the only indicator of fertility and actually have samples chemically analyzed to know where there is weakness in the soil. That is me. I must keep my heart under the microscope, in the chemistry lab. It reminds me of that Sunday School song: "be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, feet where you walk..." The world is ever pervasive and so very seductive. I am not of this world. I must remember that.
“For this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; ... But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.” Matt 13:15-16. Jesus, do a soil examination of my heart. Bring me back to a place of innocence - make my eyes to see and my ears to hear. Remove that which has dulled me, desensitized me. For you, if anyone, are able to keep me from stumbling.
To you be the honor and glory forever, my king.
But why, then, would people ever choose wrong? Why would people choose things that will hurt them, or others, on purpose?
Even in my life I'm learning that sin is very subtle and gradual. Some days I'll find myself somewhere I never intended to be - in attitude, in my thoughts, or even physically in a place I have no business being - and wonder "how did I get here?" I can trace back the path through a series of small compromises here and there. Ever so "innocent" decisions made one small step at a time until I find myself one giant leap off the path I should be on. Oswald Chambers said this: “...the penalty of sin is that gradually you get used to it and do not know it is sin.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, 3/16. That pretty much sums it up.
The Word says the penalty of sin is death. Most of us think of death as a sudden onset. One minute we are alive, then tragically we are not. This is not the kind of death that sin leads to. This is the terminal illness sort of death. The slow fade. This is spiritual hospice - you enter in to die. Not for treatment, not for healing, just to be comfortable until the inevitable happens.
I no longer expect to feel some sudden, deep conviction for my sin. I am past that point. That kind of conviction is not for those who have been in an intimate relationship with their savior for years. The longer you are a soldier, the more cunning your enemy has to become to get you. You know how to look for land mines. You can spot sabotage and ambush from miles away. He has to resort to espionage. No, I must be ever so diligent to pay close attention to the details of my heart.
A new gardener may just look at their soil, say "ah, that's nice and black. Must be fertile" and get to planting. Someone who's been around a garden for a while may realize that color is not the only indicator of fertility and actually have samples chemically analyzed to know where there is weakness in the soil. That is me. I must keep my heart under the microscope, in the chemistry lab. It reminds me of that Sunday School song: "be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, feet where you walk..." The world is ever pervasive and so very seductive. I am not of this world. I must remember that.
“For this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; ... But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.” Matt 13:15-16. Jesus, do a soil examination of my heart. Bring me back to a place of innocence - make my eyes to see and my ears to hear. Remove that which has dulled me, desensitized me. For you, if anyone, are able to keep me from stumbling.
To you be the honor and glory forever, my king.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Magic of the Circus
I got the privilege of sharing in yet another right of passage of childhood...taking my sons to see the circus for the first time. I knew they would love it, but I was not prepared for some of the excited reactions. It is true...when you witness the look of sheer pleasure, excitement, and wonder on the faces of your own children, the feeling is indescribable. Thank you Ringling Bros. You were amazing when I was a child, but even more amazing as I shared you with my own children.
These next two pics are poor representations of the spectacular finish. Color, confetti, acrobats, animals, clowns, the whole bit out on the floor in a grand finale of fun.
Since we were enjoying the show from our wonderful private box (like Disney on Ice), some of my camera shots aren't the best. These were some acrobats doing all kinds of cool stunts on these long poles. Ethan thought it was cool because they were dressed as bugs and the poles were supposed to be grass. He caught the symbolism which was really cool for me.
One of my favorite features have always been the elephants and the tigers. The giddiness I felt was quite nostalgic. The kids were in awe that 1)animals as big as elephants could do tricks and not squish each other, 2) elephants would hold each other's tails and 3) that man in the cage with the tigers was so brave.
The only bad part about the box was the trapeze...the artists were behind the scaffolding most of the time. Otherwise the box gave you a more complete view of everything happening. Here is one of the only pics I was able to get...
I distinctly remember this bit from my own childhood - the round cage in which several motorcycles drive in circles without crashing. Of course, when I was a kid, I remember a man walking along the outside of the cage as it spinned through the air as well. My boys thought this was the coolest thing they've ever seen - even cooler than monster trucks!
And, of course, colorful costumes and horses are a staple. Noah thought most of the horses looked like unicorns, because of the big feathery thing they wear on the top of their heads. Course, the only pic I managed to get DID NOT have a feathery thing...oh, well.
Here are 2 very satisfied circus customers. I'd ask them what their favorite part was. It kept changing about every 5 minutes. "the motorcycles! No, wait...the tigers! No, my mostest favorite was the elephants!..."
These next two pics are poor representations of the spectacular finish. Color, confetti, acrobats, animals, clowns, the whole bit out on the floor in a grand finale of fun.
Since we were enjoying the show from our wonderful private box (like Disney on Ice), some of my camera shots aren't the best. These were some acrobats doing all kinds of cool stunts on these long poles. Ethan thought it was cool because they were dressed as bugs and the poles were supposed to be grass. He caught the symbolism which was really cool for me.
One of my favorite features have always been the elephants and the tigers. The giddiness I felt was quite nostalgic. The kids were in awe that 1)animals as big as elephants could do tricks and not squish each other, 2) elephants would hold each other's tails and 3) that man in the cage with the tigers was so brave.
The only bad part about the box was the trapeze...the artists were behind the scaffolding most of the time. Otherwise the box gave you a more complete view of everything happening. Here is one of the only pics I was able to get...
I distinctly remember this bit from my own childhood - the round cage in which several motorcycles drive in circles without crashing. Of course, when I was a kid, I remember a man walking along the outside of the cage as it spinned through the air as well. My boys thought this was the coolest thing they've ever seen - even cooler than monster trucks!
Of course, running a close second in "coolness" was the guy who drove the motorcycle on the high wire with a girl swinging below...then they proceeded to spin around the wire without falling off.
These guys did all kinds of fun tricks on these big, bouncy inner tubes - a lot of flipping. Ethan said he wanted to try it. Mom envisioned busted heads... :)
And, of course, colorful costumes and horses are a staple. Noah thought most of the horses looked like unicorns, because of the big feathery thing they wear on the top of their heads. Course, the only pic I managed to get DID NOT have a feathery thing...oh, well.Here are 2 very satisfied circus customers. I'd ask them what their favorite part was. It kept changing about every 5 minutes. "the motorcycles! No, wait...the tigers! No, my mostest favorite was the elephants!..."Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Favorites #6
Ask A Ninja
I discovered the ninja through my friend James. All I can really say about him is...you just gotta see it. Narcissism was never so fun!
Friday, March 6, 2009
30ish?
Du-nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-nuh! Today is my Birthday! Du-nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-nuh! We're gonna have a good time!...
I have a second date tonight! Woo-hoo! With Mr. "you are ravishingly beautiful and I'm going to kiss your hand and tell you what an amazing woman I think you are..." :)
You know the benefit of dating when you are older? You can enjoy the ego boost and the compliments knowing full well this guy is putting on all the charm he can muster for you. You can allow yourself to have fun and enjoy yourself while knowing that it's not exactly real or true. There is an agenda to dating, of course. You don't, like the school girl you used to be, give your heart away at the first words of affection whispered to you. You can allow yourself to be appreciated by a member of the opposite sex without assuming, or hoping such appreciation is more than just appreciation. Just enjoy the company, enjoy a possible new friendship, and be thankful you have an adult your age to converse with in a relaxed, casual manner.
So I'm feeling good! I'm still loosing weight - but now it's because I'm eating right and exercising regularly(so it's slower, but healthier than before). Loving the exercise! Job is going well. Kids are adjusting, and I'm beginning to get more involved at church and have a social life apart from my kids and family. Also still feeling good inside - like some healing threshold was finally reached. Honestly, I hardly give him a second thought of late. And that feels REALLY GOOD.
I have a second date tonight! Woo-hoo! With Mr. "you are ravishingly beautiful and I'm going to kiss your hand and tell you what an amazing woman I think you are..." :)
You know the benefit of dating when you are older? You can enjoy the ego boost and the compliments knowing full well this guy is putting on all the charm he can muster for you. You can allow yourself to have fun and enjoy yourself while knowing that it's not exactly real or true. There is an agenda to dating, of course. You don't, like the school girl you used to be, give your heart away at the first words of affection whispered to you. You can allow yourself to be appreciated by a member of the opposite sex without assuming, or hoping such appreciation is more than just appreciation. Just enjoy the company, enjoy a possible new friendship, and be thankful you have an adult your age to converse with in a relaxed, casual manner.
So I'm feeling good! I'm still loosing weight - but now it's because I'm eating right and exercising regularly(so it's slower, but healthier than before). Loving the exercise! Job is going well. Kids are adjusting, and I'm beginning to get more involved at church and have a social life apart from my kids and family. Also still feeling good inside - like some healing threshold was finally reached. Honestly, I hardly give him a second thought of late. And that feels REALLY GOOD.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Getting "out there" again
So, I've been on a couple of dates here and there - nothing serious, of course. But at least it's not as weird as I thought.
One even told me I was ravishing and mesmerizing. I didn't giggle on the outside, but I certainly was inside! Would you believe there are still some chivalrous guys out there? I thought they were gone...but being walked to your car, having doors opened, a guy who stands when you walk in the room, or kisses your hand in greeting...
It feels nice...but reminds me to keep my heart guarded. Reminds me I'm still vulnerable.
But I'm also having fun, finally!
One even told me I was ravishing and mesmerizing. I didn't giggle on the outside, but I certainly was inside! Would you believe there are still some chivalrous guys out there? I thought they were gone...but being walked to your car, having doors opened, a guy who stands when you walk in the room, or kisses your hand in greeting...
It feels nice...but reminds me to keep my heart guarded. Reminds me I'm still vulnerable.
But I'm also having fun, finally!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Favs #5
Monty Python
Here is another mixed review: These guys were AWESOME and quirky and fun, though at times inappropriate and irreverent. So there is much of their stuff I would never recommend you watching and I, myself, avoid. But I find that in almost every situation or conversation I have, there is a line from one of their skits or movies that is always at the ready to insert itself. It's funny - my mother uses them as a gauge of someone who has a terrible sense of humor, while I use them in an opposite way. Seems like everyone I've met either loves their humor or hates it. But you have to admit - they certainly blazed a trail that led to some mighty fine comedy...and eventually to groups like Kids in the Hall.
If you never expected me to have Monty Python listed as one of my favorites, then I only have one thing to say: "no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition". :)
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