Goodbyes

This week I had two goodbyes to deal with that have my heart rather heavy. First, I had to say goodbye to Lindsey Grandits, a beautiful sister that I met and worked with at Real Life Church in Roseville, MN. She won her 4 year battle with cancer and went home to be with our Savior last Wednesday. Her life and legacy will live on and her family is a testimony of that. Such wonderful, real people who are not afraid to grieve, but also show such amazing courage and strength as they rely on Jesus to walk the grief with them. Prayers continue for Bruce, her brave and loyal husband, the Volin family and the Grandits family. I wish I could be there to grieve with you. Alas, the miles may keep us apart physically, but my spirit and heart is with you all. I love and admire you all so deeply.

Not only do I grieve for her biological family, but her church family. I still miss the people of RLC dearly. In all my life, I never felt a part of something so completely as I did there. Those people embraced my family when we first came to RLC, and then stood by me and acted as my "Aaron"...keeping my arms up when I had no strength on my own through my divorce. They were the hands and feet of Christ for me and my boys. I've been away now for 2 years and still feel as though I am a member of Real Life Church. If I could have packed them all up with me and brought them to Ohio, I would have in a heartbeat. RLC was the single hardest thing for me to leave in MN. I'm sure the Grandits and the Volins are benefiting from that love and support now.

The second goodbye is actually harder and hit me in ways I did not expect. Lindsey may be gone here, but I will see her again. We rejoice in that hope we have in Christ. This week, a dear friend whom I've loved and admired deeply went through with a very bad and wrong decision and divorced her husband. It was not a biblical divorce and it reopens wounds of betrayal I felt with Rob - and she didn't divorce me. That has surprised me. That I could be affected so deeply by her choice. I weep for her husband who loved her with every fiber of his being, and her children who are very confused right now. I weep for her - the deception she has embraced and the woman I once knew as doing right above all else and so full of wisdom. Saddest part is that she justified her decision by saying that "divorce is not the unpardonable sin, so it's ok and will be better for everyone." She honestly still believes she is walking rightly.

I know God can forgive...but can God ever fully restore a person who willfully chooses outside His plan for their "happiness" to the glorious plan He had intended for them? I want ALL God has for me. I want to hear His sweet voice telling me I did well and was good and faithful to Him. I don't want to disappoint Him. He is much more important to me than any temporary situations, feelings, discomfort.

The legacy she is leaving her children...one of question. I know her eldest daughter is wrestling with her own faith. How can I love God and love my mother who openly has sinned at the same time? If I love God, do I have to reject my mom? If I love her, does that mean I am excusing what she did? I am reminded that the Word says it is better to have a millstone hung around your neck and be drowned than to cause a little one to stumble. She has the blood of three on her hands now.

I still love her. But I've lost a great deal of respect and honor I had towards her. I'm disappointed. She stood by me through my own divorce, so eloquently and wisely pointing out Rob's deception... then somehow, she herself swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. And the worst deception is when you don't believe you are deceived, but believe you have finally "found the truth". Only Christ can penetrate that lie. And my experience so far suggests that it is the lie that God turns the disobedient over to in His Word. Allowing them to be so convinced of their deception, that they no longer have the ability to seek truth. Will their souls be saved? I hope so. Or will they be some of those people who tell God "but we did all of these things in Your name, Lord!" and He tells them "sorry. You never really knew ME."

I now what legacy I want to leave...one that points ALL glory to Him. If my children come to know Christ as savior, and lead their families to Him, then I have been blessed, indeed.

I've reflected a lot lately on the 13 years I spent in MN. I think the main lesson I've learned is this: people are sorely disappointing. Do not put your faith in them. Do not lift them up too high or honor them too much or give them too much respect as leaders and authorities in your life. Be very selective. And always...keep your eyes on Christ first and foremost. For even those you think you know and you trust the most, can have their hearts darkened and fall away. Don't get me wrong...I'm not being pessimistic. I still have many dear friends and have many more good stories than bad ones. I just found out that I'm a little too willing to give trust and honor and elevate people and I need to be wiser about it. I've been burned by leadership, fellow ministers, friends, and even my spouse. And I never expected it out of any of them.

Lindsey is at home. The longer I am here, the less like home it feels. And I can't wait to dance with her and Jesus and leave this strange, painful place behind. Maranatha, Lord Jesus.