Last of the summer fun...

So nice to lay my head on my pillow every night and know, no matter how tired and frustrated I may be, that I'm doing right by my boys. Nothing in this world is worth the price of them...or my soul.

On the school front - Ethan continues to make progress with his writing. Still not smooth, but coming along. Noah has a penchant for tracing as he has begun tracing shapes and his name in preschool.

Tomorrow, I find out what the next step in our labor negotiations are. One possibility, if a contract was not reached tonight, is what they call 'work to rule'. Meaning the teachers show the board and community just how much of our time is "free" by only showing up at contracted time (7:05), leaving at contracted time (2:35) and doing absolutely NOTHING outside of the classroom. Prep time must be used to prep/create lesson plans. Grading will be done in class. No after school detentions, meetings, etc. Basically, we go to teaching straight out of the text using publishers materials because there won't be time to create cool labs and materials. Heck, almost 1/2 of what I do is outside my classroom time. I hope, if we do anything, we do this first. That way I'm still getting paid. Some good news - I found out they can't fire any of us for striking. That helps. Plus the bus drivers (Teamsters) put out a press release - they will honor our picket line if we go there. Meaning no bus service.

Moral has been a little low, but today I got a boost. As I was standing in line for dinner, a parent introduced herself and re-assured me of parental support for the teachers and let me know she had contacted the board to give them an earful. THAT's what we need - the customers rooting for us! :)

I really need to get a new profile picture with my kids.

That's it. No big news. No grand ideas. No deep thoughts today.

Just the realization that we haven't had portraits taken since summer '07. I didn't even get birthday photos this last year - just too much stuff on my plate.

Being a single parent sucks. Especially when you keep getting harassed by the "parent" who left you to take care of the kids alone. Even the boys are tired of the relentless, daily intrusion.

Ok...I guess there was a little rant in there, all bottled up.

Pictures. Yes. I really need to get an updated family portrait.

Oh - and I'm enjoying my job...but my voice is getting worse, not better. Please pray. I'm going to have to break down and go to an ENT to figure out why, even after a period of rest, I do not feel any improvement.

Dear Lord, please don't take my voice from me. I have things to say, praises to sing. Jehovah, Rophe...heal me, please.

luv???

All my democrat friends and family still loves me...right?

Oh how I long for a really good, strong, libertarian or independent candidate to show up...the machine is crooked - be it elephants or donkeys.

They've got my vote!

This is the state of my political involvement this year. Sad, so sad...yet freeing! :) Actually I saw a bumper sticker that summed up my feelings even more. It read....

Jesus, 2008

please come get us before November!

OK - now I'm going to let my completely immature humor come out and share with you the two best Republican "slogans" I've heard (they make me giggle)...

#1 - I'm republican....because not everyone can be on welfare.

#2 - McCain 2008... because old is still better than stupid.

Please understand - I'm much more of an intelligent thinker than that - but they are funny! :) And yes, I do believe in helping my fellow man who needs it...why I've benefitted the past year from our welfare program. But you and I both know it is abused, lacks accountability, and enables the dishonest. Plus it is extremely wasteful. And I'm suspicious of Obama. Sorry...just am. Where did he come from? Who is he really? How did he rise so quickly from obscurity? As the White Stripes sing..."I think I smell a rat".

So I will do my civic duty and exercize the right my suffragete sisters fought for me to have. But this year is a year I am very disgusted with the two party system. I mean, I have more choices in ketchup at the grocery store than I have in leader of my country. And that is just wrong.

Even though I'm not typically a "party line" voter, and I don't think there is any candidate that represents my views very thoroughly this year, I do have to set one thing straight. We did not have this financial crisis until we elected a democratically run congress. There. I said it. Yes, Bush may be president, but he really has no control over the economics - not like congress. So I'm voting for change, all right. GET THE DEMS OUT BEFORE THEY BANKRUPT US ALL!!!! Let THEM rescue Wall Street. My paycheck is stretched enough.

Huston Woods

The boys and I had a fun day trip with Cousins Tom, Melissa, Abby, and Elizabeth last weekend. We jaunted up to Oxford to feed the deer at Huston Woods. The boys were facinated! Of course, they also ate some of our deer food - the carrots. Funny. When I put them on their dinner plate, they aren't usually that excited about them. But hand them an entire carrot that they are supposed to feed to the deer, and suddenly it's like a candy bar or something! :)

"Hurricane Day"

Snow, yes. Cold, yes. Tornadoes, yes. Water main breaks, yes. But Hurricanes? In Ohio? No freakin' way.

Way.

Apparently the very eerie, weird, "sand storm on Tatooine" type storm that blew through here yesterday was technically a level 1 hurricane. What is left of Ike. The only thing that keeps if from officially being called a hurricane: the 80 plus mph winds were in gusts, not sustained.

Power is out. Businesses are closed. Roofs are damaged. There is a run on gasoline and ice. But overall, everyone is being nice, helpful and laughing about it. We got power restored today just in time - we didn't loose any food, but the fridge was cutting it close. Trees are down everywhere. And not just little dead limbs. Trees that I could not get my arms around are snapped in half like twigs and lying in roads, porches or even in people's homes. It's freakish!

We are all safe. Last I heard, the death count was 4 - and all were tree-related accidents. 2 involving motorcycles. The first responders were busy all night - sirens were ceaseless. Mostly electric wire fires from what we've heard. Those darn trees, again.

Now, we are on a boil alert. Meaning we can't drink or cook with our water until it's been boiled. Looks like I'll be doing a run for bottled water.

Here is some irony for you. I was prepared for ALL of this in MN and never once had to use it. I had bottled water, batteries, flashlights, candles, matches, radios, tools, canned heat, etc. all downstairs in my little carpeted under-the-stairs storm nook. Complete with pillows and blankets and a wooden door to use to shield our heads if need be. In Ohio - they got nuthin'. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, er, I mean, hurricanes in Ohio.

One more thing I can add to my "now I've seen it all" list. Hmmmm....that list keeps growing. Maybe I HAVEN'T seen it all! :)

It's always kind of fun kicking in to "survival" mode for a few hours...just to see what you and your fellow man are made of. I'm rather proud of these Ohioans...good people. Good natured. Looking out for one another. Patient. One woman even offered to go grab me a bag of ice when a new pallet was rushed in as I was checking out. Kept me from having to get back in line. We had fun finding ways to entertain ourselves sans electricity last night. It was no picnic grading papers by candle light, I can tell you. But we found ourselves sitting on the porch listening to the radio as in days gone by. Only we were listening for school closings! :) And they did not disappoint.

"SNOW" day, everyone!

2 weeks down

With 2 weeks of school under my belt, I'm finally getting in my groove. Feeling pretty good. Found my first bit of graffiti on my tables. It said "Ms. Funderburk rocks!".

I love my job. :) Can you believe they pay me to have fun all day?

Miami River Days

I took the boys to River Days at Miami U Hamilton Campus today. We had a lot of fun. Free face painting and balloon animals (of course, both got super hero masks painted on their faces - their ENTIRE faces - my camera went kaput. AND they didn't want a balloon doggy. No, they opted for balloon laser guns and swords.), inflatables, a long horn steer, speed boat races, water skiers building a human pyramid, a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator (what HE had to do with Ohio history/Miami river I'll never know), a Native American pow wow complete with costumed dancers, singers, and drummers, a hayride, and some civil war "re-enactments"...mainly just firing off of very loud cannons. The boys were completely in their element.

The Timeline For Grief

Is much longer than I anticipated. I know I am healing. But I have moments of set-back. I just started attending a Divorce Care group at a local church. They also have a class for Ethan. I think it will be good - he's been very angry for a while now. But I surprised myself when I started with my introduction (a VERY brief synopsis of your "story") and had to have the box of kleenex passed to me.

Why do I, after 15 months, still weep over this? Why do I still feel loss? Surely something is wrong with me, right? Well, apparently not. According to a lot of research, it can take upwards of 5 years to fully recover. Ugh. But I want to do this right - I want to allow the grief to happen. Otherwise it may take longer and I may end up doing stupid things like rebound relationships. Don't get me wrong - I want to date. I'm ready to date. But I am in NO WAY ready for anything serious or even semi-serious. I must allow grief it's agenda - not try to conform it to my own.

I'm learning that the extreme pain I feel is OK... and much better than the excruciating pain I would feel if I tried to hurry this process or medicate it away or supress it. The pain tells me I am human. I am OK. I am alive. I will survive this. AND it reminds me that I loved correctly...with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. The pain is the mark of covenant. When God made covenant with Abram, the animals were cut in two. This part of the ceremony was signifying the seriousness of this relationship: "may it be unto me as one of these if I break this covenant". When I married Rob, I joined my soul to his. That is the "one flesh" aspect of the relationship. When he broke covenant, it is not a simple "unzipping". It is a ripping of flesh - a tearing of the seams. It was more than a legal contract to be entered and exited on a whim. We became family. Closer than family. More than family.

One very important insight I got from my first class: I'm not so sure it is Rob that I love - at least not now. It's more that I am addicted to or infatuated with what I believed my relationship with Rob to be. With the dreams, plans, and ideas that formed my life until June of 2007. But all that was based on lies and deception - not from my end, but his. And it was a mockery to God, therefore, HE removed Rob. For those dreams, plans, ideas and that relationship cannot exist with him in the picture - at least not as he is right now. Does that mean my dreams were wrong? Nope. Same play, but it needed to be recast. God knows His plans for me, Ethan, and Noah. He said so. Those plans could not be fulfilled with such deception in our lives.

Today I saw a big difference in Ethan, too. This class will be good, I think. Another step in helping me to preach with my life. To SHOW my kids what a relationship with Christ Jesus looks like, not tell them. To let them witness my communion with my Savior - often and in the daily grind, not just on Sunday or Wednesday.

Back Home

Well, they arrived back just fine with the exception of a little mix up with the luggage (ie-Rob accidently took it to MN with him and will have to overnight it back to Ohio because Noah's meds are in his luggage). Ah, well. There's bound to be some glitch anytime you try something new.

Thanks to all of you who may have prayed for me and my sons this weekend. I appreciate it.

So tomorrow begins the new adventure for me as a Lakota East Thunderhawk. I meet my 9th graders and get a feel for how the school day will go, including my commute to and from at my regular contracted hours (which, by the way, I still technically have no "contract" and have no idea what I'm being paid. Weird, huh? You can bet I won't be patient any longer if come my first paycheck I don't get one! grrrrrrr......)

Desensitization

I just said goodbye to my boys for the weekend with their dad. Breathing deeply, praying fervently. These words in the refrain of a Sarah Groves song come to mind....

"I only have two eyes, but You're all seeing.
I only have two hands, but You are everywhere.
I do not know enough, but You're all-knowing.
I give my baby up into Your care."

I want to guard them from evil, wickedness, yes. But I also want to guard them from mediocrity, apathy. I want to protect their innocence - not slowly inoculate them to sinful life by a little exposure here and there until it's no big deal - and they are numb. In one of our court sessions, I pointed out some pictures that Rob had exposed Ethan to that were inappropriate (mostly bikini, but some thumbnails of erotic sci-fi art/book covers). But the spirit of mediocrity and desensitizing took over and I was told "Oh, your kids will see worse than this." Not on my watch. Not if I can help it. I really don't care what the world deems as "acceptable" - I am not a citizen of this world. And neither are my children. And I do not apologize for trying to live to a higher standard. My King beckons me to it. And Christian or not, those pictures send a message to young boys...'women are primarily for your pleasure' and 'sex is just another thing to do - no big deal.'

Desensitization happens to us all, I know. But if I can help them retain or gain a bit more sensitivity to the things of God than I have, or for a little bit longer, then maybe they will be someone who makes a huge difference in this world. Maybe they can grow up to be men of God who do not accept the status quo - but rise above it. I want them to grow up not feeling this need to "tolerate" sin - but to have compassion AND boldness to call it out - not with a self righteous spirit, but one who is willing to reach into the pit and rescue people who are in it.

Hmmm...I want that for myself, too.

Oh, Jesus - teach us to have your Agape love for all humanity and for you. The radical love that would call a person out for their sin, but then embrace them and show them a better way. That would allow a man to take on the fault and punishment of people who are abusing him, and still be able to say "forgive them - they don't understand." That would socialize with a prostitute despite what might happen to his reputation so that he can help her see WHY she is trying to fill a void incorrectly...and then showing her the love she is REALLY searching for.

Less of me and more of You, Jesus. Circumcise my heart.

Spontaneity

One thing I'm really beginning to enjoy about being single again - my time is MINE. Well, with the exception of taking care of the boys, of course...but they are pretty easy to be spontaneous with. So if, say, my in-laws call me up and say, we'd love to see you before school starts. Are you free anytime?" - I can look at my calendar and say "why yes, how about this weekend?"...and do it all on a Wednesday. So off we went on an impromptu adventure to the beloved mountains of eastern TN. How I've missed them. And quite frankly, I don't care how commercial the area is - there is nothing quite like the Smokey Mountain National Park area.

We stayed in a cabin in Pigeon Forge. It was more like a house, really. The view was breath-taking. And we had great, clear weather so you could see rows and rows of peaks. Mommies favorite part: the HOT TUB. Out on the deck, under the stars....ahhhhhhh. It was also fun watching Ethan and Noah try to play pool -BEFORE killing each other with the cues.

Visited Gatlinburg. I haven't been there in over 13 years and it really hasn't changed much. Felt right at home. Went up in the Space Needle...

(a REALLY cute guy took this pic for us - :))

(and this is what a bird sees just before pooping on Joyce's head - she's the lone figure on the bench in the center of the photo. She wanted NOTHING to do with going up in that tower! )

Then, after walking around a bit, we rode the chair lift up the side of the mountain. The boys already had practiced with the Ferris Wheel at the fair, so they were pros.



I believe I could have spent $50 in change on those binoculars and it still would not have been enough. They LOVED them!!!

(We weren't exactly sure what Noah was doing here - just kept hiking up the shorts. Maybe this is the boy equivalent to the little girl flashing her skirt/dress up over her head to anyone and everyone? At least he's enjoying himself... :)

It was a wonderful visit with family. Yes, no divorce document can change that. I am and will always be, on some level, the daughter of Joyce and Gerald Funderburk. And I know I will be welcomed and embraced as such. I love them dearly. And they've been a tremendous support throughout. I'm glad to be closer to them so that visits can be more often and...spontaneous!

I had forgotten just how fun it is to have zero plans and just go. I had somehow lost that side of me. Guess it's easy to get buried beneath the natural planning structure mommi-hood and homemaking. Know what else? I think I was sitting around waiting for Rob to actually LEAD and just got used to.....waiting. Instead of doing. With this one little trip I learned:

1. I don't have to wait for someone else to make plans. I can make AND execute them. Even at the last minute. Without permission and without having to check someone else's availability. If I'm available, then let's DO IT! (And if you can't, no offense, but I may just find someone else who can this time and try again with you next time. I just don't want to wait anymore.)

2. I am capable. And I don't really need help. It's nice, but more for the sharing aspect than the need. I'm not turning into a feminist, but rather learning that Lori is just fine as she is - she doesn't HAVE to be half of something. She is whole all by herself. With Jesus.

3. Driving on a long road trip is FUN. There is joy in the journey...not just the destination.

4. Kids are a lot more flexible than I give them credit for.

5. While kids thrive with routines and structure, they are positively giddy about a last minute idea/adventure - no matter how simple it is. Even if we forget to pack something important like a soft blankie or soap. :)

6. you don't have to have a lot of money or time to make great memories. Or even grandios plans. Just do something.

7. I DO love life. My life. And the people who are a part of it with me. And I'm enjoying discovering "Lori" again. And guess what?...she's kinda cool. I like her.

8. I don't have to have someone to share an experience with. It's perfectly OK to indulge myself by myself (ie - that Hot Tub! :))

9. It's more important to live for Christ than it is to live for a husband -and more fulfilling.

10. I will be OK. Not just OK, but GREAT. And so will my kids. We will not just survive - we will thrive!

11. Family doesn't have to be blood.

12. I'm actually looking forward to being back in the classroom. It was my calling, my mission field. I stepped away for a greater mission - my own kids. But I'm OK with this. Perhaps I will be a better mom as I am reaching out to more kids than my own. And learning to trust my Maker with my own.

13. I'm pretty darn good with directions.

Yet another milestone!

Ethan lost his first tooth. Pulled it out himself! Of course, corn on the cob helped a bit. I told him if he kept his tongue out of the hole the tooth would come in gold. He didn't make it 5 seconds. But then, none of us ever do, do we? :)

Oh, and the only thing better than new car smell...new classroom smell. Ok, maybe only for a teacher. I have to enjoy it before it's tainted with the smell of 'teen spirit' :)

And gumless desks, scuffless floors, graffitiless table tops, trashless sinks, profanityless textbooks, etc...

Lori's new classroom

THE TOYS...YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE TOYS!!!!!!! I get the feeling that I will not have to worry about buying my own supplies with this district. Oh how decadent I feel...




Every 2 classes share a common lab prep and storage room. Somebody was THINKING!!!

I have more cabinet space than I know what to do with! It's awesome. Plus...check out the projector. Apparently its a new technology my district is piloting. It turns an ordinary white board into a SmartBoard, AND has a 3-D camera that can project any object I place under it - kind of like an overhead. All of this will be run from my laptop station. No more scrambling for Vis-a-vis markers, no more cleaning transparencies and using a bazillion paper towels to dry them, no more rainbow fingers at the end of the day!!!

Can you tell I'm excited?!?!?!?! I'm not a complete traitor...Though I am not an "Indian" but a "Thunderhawk"...it's all part of Native American history, right?

I also think I'm going to bag the supplemental for Theater Technical Director and had a lot of fun at the training for the sound and light board...state of the art, of course.

Well, if I had to go back to work, this is certainly the way to do it. I feel like a gamer who just got hired at Wizard of the West Coast!

Butler County Fair - July '08

It may not be the Great MN Get-Together, but it had everything a great fair needed for a cheaper price. Both my boys were into the rides, had cousins to join them AND it was cheaper to buy an unlimited wristband...so mommy went crazy trying to run around and keep up.

Yep, the pigs were just as stinky, the food was just as greasy, and the cowboys were just as hot. Er, I mean the weather... (blush)
One "pro" - not as much free crap to pick up and carry home only to throw away the next day.

Noah was completely fearless - didn't even occur to him that he might be scared. Especially on the Tower one - everyone around was laughing at his screams of glee and belly laugh! And Ethan...well, as long as Lexi was by his side...he can do ANYTHING. Those are two peas in a pod right there. :)

That whole

"stretch out your mouth for the camera" pose must be genetic...