My eldest shared with me that their dad prayed with them at night while he had them on this trip.
So he is praying to a God that 1)he openly declared war against, 2) that he still openly lives in arrogant rebellion against, 3) he declares he no longer wants to follow because His standards are too restrictive, and 4) whose followers he mocks and declares himself better than.
(insert head scratch and utterly confused look here) I thought I could at least learn to respect his decision to not ride the fence - to choose a side and go all the way. Guess I can't even do that. I just don't get it. And now I have a 6 year old asking questions I have no possible idea of how to answer. "mommy, if daddy is a christian now, why won't he come back home?" "why is daddy still not being your friend if he prays to Jesus?" Great questions, Ethan. Great questions. I'm sorry I don't have the answers. At least not in a way you can understand at 6. Best I know to say is "just because someone prays doesn't mean they are a Christian - even if they pray to Jesus." How can I help him understand that being a Christian is about a relationship with Emmanuel - not simply saying you believe and praying or going to church ever so often. It may be a free gift, but it costs you everything to keep and pursue. If someone claimed to be my friend, only came to see me when they needed something or only talked at me to relieve their guilt, or only invoked my name when it suited their purposes, then they are NOT my friend. MOST people who declare themselves Christian are not truly - the Bible even says that. Ah...back to that gray of humanity in a black and white truth. Kids understand black and white. They are black and white. I think that is why Jesus says unless we become as little children, we cannot truly inheirit the kingdom. Our lives, perceptions, and judgements are gray, but not God's.
Christ was also very clear on his expectations regarding human relationships. "if you come to offer sacrifice (or prayer) to me and remember someone has something against you....GO MAKE THAT RIGHT FIRST, THEN come to me". Meaning He is less inclined to allow us to use him as a "do over". As an excuse to just forget the past and the wrong we've done and start the game from scratch. We are expected to fix our mess as best we can. I've even heard of pastors counseling criminals to turn themselves in after a repentant experience because they need to take responsibility and pay the part of the debt they can.
So I'm not sure what he thinks he's accomplishing but it sure adds problems to my role as spiritual leader to my boys. It is unbiblical and contrary to our doctrine. Dear Lord, please help me to know how to do this! And prepare their hearts and minds to understand...one day. Jehovah, impart to them wisdom beyond their years. And to me.
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