Progress!

So, in my last blog I spoke of changes I've felt lead to engage in and was making excuses not to. I'm pleased to report progress - though small, it's still the correct direction and I can tell a difference.

While my prayer life has grown more frequent, fervent and ( I belive) more "correct" in the past year (as CS Lewis said about prayer: "I don't pray to change my circumstance...I pray to change me.") my reading of the Word has been lax. I've begun a ritual of carving out just 15 minutes each day - mainly in the mornings before I get ready, to read either the Bible or a book from a respected author on Christian living (I have several started). Here are some of the titles I'm currently muddling through:
Don't Waste Your Sorrows by paul Billheimer
The Freedom of Forgiveness by David Augsburger
Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb
And waiting in the wings:
Pivotal Praying by John Hull and Tim Elmore
How to Read the Bible for All It's Worth by Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart

I've noticed a marked improvement in my attitude and outlook with just this simple, small change.

I've also purposed to exercize a little each day. Even if it's only for 15 minutes to do the basics - sit ups, push ups, leg lifts, etc. I'm encouraged by the noticable difference in my strength and stamina in these areas even after just a couple of weeks. I will continue to add to the regimen and hopefully find a way to carve out at least 20-30 minutes of aerobic exercize as well...if not daily, at least 3-4 times per week.

The last couple of days, as I've prayed for the Lord to work true forgiveness in my heart (because I surely cannot forgive Rob in my own strength), I have felt some sort of release. These last 2 days are the first days that I've thought "I really don't care"...not in a giving up sense or a mean sense. I've just realized I'm actually getting to where I really, honestly do not care one iota about what he is doing...it is a non-factor in my life and in the lives of my kids. He is not a part of this...and all my family and friend connections are still intact so, really, what did I loose? Nothing but dreams and perceptions. And since they were based on deception, then they really aren't lost, either...just delayed until God shows me how they will now be fulfilled in a different and unexpected way.

Baby steps. As long as they are forward. God is so very faithful.
More later!